Like A Pack Of What?
by Kishiro Kitsune
Summary: The Yugioh gang goes on a road trip. A long, strange road trip in which random things happen. Contains OOCness, shonen ai, and the color pink. Yami x hikari, Seto x Joey, Mokuba x OC
1. Prologue: It Begins

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Yugioh. I don't even own Nixxus Gene Lexus, as he belongs to my dear friend Seto-chan (who needs an account. hinthintnudgenudge)

Warnings: Shonen ai, that means boyxboy, folks. And OOC-ness, which is abundant because it's what makes this story so funny. I try to make them in-character as much as I can, but I usually wind up failing. Ah well, the OOC-ness is supposed to be there, everyone. Don't like it, don't read. If you like it or find it amusing or both, read on and enjoy the insanity!

**Note before we start:** Okay, I'll admit it. I've gotten hooked on crazy Yugioh road trip stories and just had to write one of my own. Of course, I've taken it a bit further and have several "sequels" in mind... (coughs) Anyway, this is just a side fic that will probably be updated once a month or so. Possibly more if I get the first pages off the computer so I can write it out on notebook paper as well. Look forward to a bunch of crazy things happen! Neh heh heh heh! _Don't ask._

_**-O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?--O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?-**_

_Prologue_

Seto is having one of those moments when you don't know what the heck is going on or where you are. The only difference with Seto is that it can't be blamed on getting drunk, memory loss, or being on drugs. No, Seto's only excuse is his brother and his brother's insane, pink-loving boyfriend, Nixxus Lexus.

The two boys are currently loading up the biggest van that they could buy. At the moment, Seto doesn't know why and nor does he want to think about why. All he wants right now is his laptop and maybe some Aspirin. Okay, defiantly the Aspirin.

"Mokuba, are the noodles absolutely necessary?" Nixx asks, looking curiously at the large pool floating objects. "And if they are, why are they blue and green? Why not pink?"

"I'm sorry, Nixx. We don't have any pink noodles." Mokuba tells his boyfriend.

Nixx's eyes fill with tears and he begins whimpering. "N-no pink?"

Mokuba hugs Nixx. "Don't worry, Nixxy! If we come across Wal-Mart, we'll stop there and buy all the pink things you want! I promise!"

"Yay!" Nixx cheers. He kisses Mokuba on the cheek and then takes the noodles out of the back of the truck. "So how are we going to convince Seto to pick up the others?"

Mokuba grins. "Don't worry, I have a plan."

One would think that by now Mokuba would have learned that plans sometimes go awry. But of course, this is Mokuba and Mokuba is used to getting what he wants. So is Nixx, for that matter.

"Seeeeetoooo!" Mokuba sings.

"No." Seto says monotonously.

"Oh, come on. You don't even know what I'm going to ask." Mokuba says.

"You're asking something. That's all I need to know." Seto replies.

"Oh, come on Seto. I could be asking you if you want to take your laptop with us or something." Mokuba says.

"Are you?"

"…"

"Then my answer is no."

Mokuba looks at Seto pleadingly. "Please big brother? Pretty please?" He eyes grow large and watery, a trick he's learned from Yugi.

'_Could it really be so bad?'_ Seto wonders, feeling his resolve weakening in face of his brother's pleading. "Alright."

"Yay! I love you!" Mokuba yells, hugging Seto tightly.

Nixx watches jealously from a few feet away. Mokuba notices and bounces over and hugs his huggable boyfriend. "I love you too!" He chirps.

"Yay, I'm loved!" Nixx happily says.

Things are not looking good for Seto. What _has _he agreed to?

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Seto glares at the road ahead as he waits for Mokuba's little friends to load their stuff into the van. One of them, however, has decided he must come and lean beside Seto's door and bug the crap out of him.

"So how much did Mokuba beg before you gave into this?" Bakura asks boredly as he examines his nails. "Or does he have some sort of blackmail or crap on you?"

"I feel disinclined to answer your foolish questions." Seto says, continuing to glare at the road. Although the option of glaring at Bakura or one of the Yugi's is becoming very tempting.

"Who wants to ride shotgun?" Nixx asks deviously.

"ME!" Bakura, Duke, Tristan, Joey, Mokuba, and Yugi shout.

Seto groans and begins banging his head on the steering wheel, making the horn honk several times. Everyone else stops and stares at the brunette.

"Seto?"

"WHAT?" Seto snaps, lifting his head up and glaring at everyone.

Yugi squeaks and hides behind Yami while Serenity takes a step closer to Duke, who happily smiles and puts an arm around her shoulders. Joey notices and begins growling. Then Tristan notices and begins turning red from anger. Ryou sighs. Bakura laughs maniacally. Yami comforts Yugi. Mokuba sweat drops. Nixx proudly grins, happy at the chaos he's managed to cause by a simple question.

"I've got an idea!" Mokuba exclaims after a few minutes of thinking. Unfortunately, during those few minutes he was thinking, the chaos spread. By the time he shouts that, Tristan is busily trying to choke Duke and Joey has tugged Serenity away from the two and is trying to convince Yugi and Yami to let her sit between them. His pleading isn't working on the two, so he turns to Nixx for help, immediately forgets that idea, and begins sulking instead. While this is happening, Bakura's calling somebody on a cell phone he "borrowed" from Ryou and Ryou is trying to get said cell phone from the thief. And Seto has begun banging his head on the steering wheel again.

"Doesn't anyone want to hear my idea?" Mokuba asks.

The chaos continues.

Nixx, not liking the fact that Mokuba is being ignored, takes a deep breath and then bellows, "SHUT UP!"

Everyone shuts up and stares at the turquoise-and-blue haired boy.

Nixx grins and hugs Mokuba. "Alright. Go ahead and tell the idiots your idea."

"Thanks, Nixx." Mokuba says, kissing Nixx on the cheek.

Seto scowls.

"Alright, here's my idea." He pauses for suspense.

"Just tell us already!" Bakura growls.

"Let's play 'Paper Rock Scissors' for it!" Mokuba exclaims happily.

The others agree and soon it's just down to Joey, Bakura, and Yami. Wanting to sit next to Yugi and not deal with Seto, Yami purposely loses. Ryou whispers to Bakura through their mind link, making the white-haired thief lose his concentration and lose to Joey. And so they set off with Joey in the passengers seat beside Seto, who is driving. Behind them are Yami, Yugi, and Tristan, and behind them are Nixx, Mokuba, Duke, and Serenity. In the very back where there are no seats are Ryou and Bakura, who have created a barricade of ribbons to keep the suitcases from falling on them.

Soon they're off.

"Off like a herd of turtles." Ryou comments.

Everyone, with the exception of Seto, who's driving, and Bakura, who's used to Ryou's off-the-wall comments, blinks and turns to look at the white-haired boy.

"What?" Nixx asks.

"It's just a saying." Ryou murmurs, turning red from embarrassment.

"It means we're going slow."

"Then why not 'off like a line of slugs'?" Yugi asks. "Because some turtles can be fast."

"Or 'off like a gang of hermit crabs'!" Mokuba giggles.

"Or 'off like a pack of raisins'!" Joey exclaims from up front.

Now everyone stares at Joey.

"Off like a pack of… what?" Duke asks.

Joey grins and holds up a box of raisins. "Raisins. Anybody want some?"

Seto rolls his eyes. "Wheeler, shut up and eat your raisins quietly. And the rest of you, there are some rules you need to know. One, no eating or drinking in the van. I still remember what happened last time, Mokuba and Nixx. Two, you will do nothing that might result in an accident or anything exploding. Three, no pudding, yogurt, or jello. Particularly the green kind. Fourth, there will be NO MAKING OUT IN THE VAN NIXXUS GENE LEXUS!"

Nixx just grins and scoots closer to Mokuba while contemplating how to get the slightly smaller boy to sit in his lap.

"Five, no one will mess with the radio while I'm driving." He smacks Joey's hands away from the radio. "No music."

Joey glares at Seto and then goes back to eating his raisins.

"Six, do not mess with the windows. That includes, making them go up and down, making faces, and flashing people." Seto continues. "Seven, no…"

By now the others have begun to ignore Seto. Although Bakura and Nixx are finding the CEO's list of rules highly amusing.

"… and ten, we will not stop more than once in one hour." He finishes.

"But what if-"

Seto cuts Ryou off. "No."

"But-"

"No."

There's partial silence for a while, before Nixx begins to sing 'the song that never ends' and Bakura, Joey, Mokuba, Yugi, and Serenity join in. After the 30th verse of the song, Yami begins trying to beg Yugi to stop singing and Ryou does the same to Bakura. The two stubbornly refuse. Then Yami comes up with an idea.

"Aibou." He softly whispers in Yugi's ear.

Yugi shivers and looks at his Yami. This proves to be the downfall of his singing, as Yami leans forward and kisses Yugi.

Seto happens to glance in the rearview mirror. He swerves the car. Everyone crashes into either a window or the person to their right. The luggage tears free of the 'barricade' and crashes down on Ryou and Bakura, who are also making out.

"What the fuck!" Bakura curses loudly.

"I SAID NO MAKING OUT IN THE VAN!" Seto screams.

"Someone has some issues." Duke mutters.

"I DO NOT!" Seto swerves again, this time sending everyone crashing to the other side. This action also causes Joey and nearly fall into Seto's lap, but Seto jerks back the other way which sends everyone flying back over to the right.

"Oww. My head!" Bakura complains. "Damn it, Kaiba! Where the hell did you learn to drive!"

Seto chooses not to answer the white-haired thief, and instead focuses on steadying the van while tightly clutching the steering wheel.

"Kaiba, maybe you should let someone else drive for a while." Yugi says cautiously.

"No." Seto refuses. "I am the only one who will be driving this van." He grips the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white. Meanwhile, his face is turning red from anger.

Yami gulps and backs down, not wanting Seto to kill them all by driving off the road or something. That wouldn't be a nice way to go. Especially not for the King of Games.

The car falls back into silence, as nobody wishes to test Seto's patience. Except for maybe Joey, who gets bored after the first five minutes of silence.

"I'm bored." He announces. "And hungry." Joey adds.

"Mutt, what happened to the raisins I gave you to shut you up?" Seto growls.

Joey looks sadly at the boxes of raisins laying in his lap. "I ate them."

Seto's mental 'meter of anger' goes up as he once again grips the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white. "You. Ate. Them. All."

Joey gulps. "Yes?"

Seto twitches. Violently.

Half of the car goes off the edge of the road.

Someone in the back screams, "We're all going to die! Take cover!".

Someone Else turns around and hits Someone.

Joey suspects that Someone is Bakura and Someone Else is Yami. Or maybe Ryou. No, defiantly Yami. Of course, it could just be that Joey's loosing his mind and that he imagined the whole thing. What was in those raisins…?

And so, the road trip is off to a _wonderful _start.

_**-O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?--O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?-**_

Nixxus Lexus- My friend's absolutely wonderful, adorable OC who is obsessed with Mokuba and the color pink. He has long turquoise and and blue hair that he usually wears in a ponytail in her pictures and blue eyes. He's about 5'4", which makes him the shortest of the Lexus brothers. (He has two brothers, who I'll put little profiles about when they show up)

I have my friend's full permission to use him and his brother's. So yay! The story wouldn't be the same without those three!

0-0-0-0

Character thoughts:

Seto: _I'M GONNA KILL THEM! _ (swerves around dead skunk)

Mokuba: _I wonder who gave Nixx sugar..._

Joey: _Darn I'm bored... and hungry..._

Tristan: _Why am I even here...?_

Yugi: _How did Mokuba convince Seto to do this?_

Yami: _Why me? Damn you Seto and your stupid rules. Now I can't ravish my aibou!_

Nixx: _Mokie, Mokie, Mokie, Mokie, Mokie, Mokie, Mokie, Mokie...!_

Duke: _If I scoot a bit closer to Serenity, will Joey notice?_

Serenity: _What a nice trip we're going on._

Bakura: _Screw Kaiba's rules! _(tackles Ryou)

Ryou: _BAKURA!_

0-0-0-0

Shiro: Well, at least it's not off to a 'BANG!'.

Bast: And that's just the prologue, it can only get worse-

Shiro: (interrupts) Or better. Depending on whose point-of-view it's from.

Bast: -from here. (glares at Shiro) Don't interrupt me!

Shiro: Sorry, sorry.

Damian: Am I in this one?

Shiro: Nope. Sorry, Damian.

Damian: You put the pink-loving psycho and his brothers in here but not me! Oh, I see how it is!

Keitaro: (hugs Shiro) See how what is?

Damian: She won't put me in the story!

Keitaro: Cry me a river and build a bridge, violet-boy.

Damian: It's purple, damn it!

Keitaro: (smirks) Whatever you say.

Damian: Finally- wait, are you being sarcastically.

Keitaro: (lays on the sarcastic tone) No, not at all.

Damian: Damn you-

Shiro: (nonchalantly stick a piece of brownie in Damian's mouth) Knock it off, both of you.

Keitaro: (pouts) Don't I get hand-fed a piece of brownie.

Shiro: (rolls eyes) You're a big boy, Keitaro. You don't need to be hand feed.

Damian: (chews piece of brownie and swallows) What is this, bash-Damian day?

Shiro: No, you're just special.

Keitaro: I wanna be special too!

Shiro: (sighs) I need a wall to bang my head against...


	2. Day 1: Hotel Theatrics and the Mad AxeM

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Yugioh. I don't even own Nixxus Gene Lexus, as he belongs to my dear friend Seto-chan (who needs an account. hinthintnudgenudge)

Warnings: Shonen ai, that means boyxboy, folks. And OOC-ness, which is abundant because it's what makes this story so funny. I try to make them in-character as much as I can, but I usually wind up failing. Ah well, the OOC-ness is supposed to be there, everyone. Don't like it, don't read. If you like it or find it amusing or both, read on and enjoy the insanity!

_**-O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?--O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?-**_

Day 1: Hotel Theatrics and the Mad Axe-Man

Log of the Road Trip

_Day 1_

_I'm going to kill them all. Particularly Nixx, for making me write this. Damn him. If he weren't Mokuba's boyfriend I'd… do something violent. Damn, he's going to read this. How did Mokuba get me to do this anyway? I don't remember him feeding me anything strange again…_

_So far, we've nearly run off the road several times, I've decided to never go anywhere with these fools again and that Nixx and Mokuba cannot be trusted together, the mutt has been a bottomless pit and has eaten the food everyone snuck into the car, Taylor almost fell out a window (I wish he had fallen out), we almost ran out of gas and are currently at a gas station, and we've only been driving for about 17.6 miles and I'm already going insane._

_-S. Kaiba_

Seto boredly strums his fingers on the steering wheel while he waits for the others to return from doing whatever it is they're doing in the grocery store. Under his breath he mutters curses directed at the group of psycho's he's driving to the mall.

Yes, the mall. After pulling aside the two little brats that started this whole mess he finally figured out where the hell they're going. Although him being the one driving and not knowing where they're going is a little strange… okay, so it completely makes no sense what-so-ever.

But anyway… so their destination is a mall. A mall that is "conveniently" three days away.

Seto really wants to kill something at this moment. I pity the next person who tries to talk to him.

"Big brother?"

Seto twitches.

Mokuba looks at Seto in confusion. "Is something wrong?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"No."

Mokuba blinks. "Okay… Joey wants to know if he can get a puppy."

"He _is _a puppy." Seto mutters. "And no."

"Oh, okay. Bakura wants to know if you want anything." Mokuba says.

"And his exact words were…?"

"…" Mokuba looks away. "You don't wanna know. Oh, and-"

"I don't want to know, Mokuba." Seto interrupts.

"But this one's important!" Mokuba exclaims.

Seto sighs_. 'I really don't want to deal with this…'_ "Fine, what is it?"

"Yami says you should go jump off a cliff, Bakura suggested a bridge, and Joey suggested the top of the company skyscraper. Oh, and Yugi and Ryou say they're sorry for any trouble Yami and Bakura may and will cause in the next ten minutes." Mokuba says. He looks worriedly at his brother when he begins hitting his head against the steering wheel. "Is something wrong?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

Seto whimpers. "No."

-BOOOOOM!-

The two siblings turn and stare at the gas station building as a window and the glass door blow out of it and shatter. The ground shudders beneath them. Seconds later Duke, Serenity, Joey, an unconscious Tristan come running out of the building. Joey has been forced to carry Tristan and he also has a dog plushy in his hands. Behind them comes a cheerful Nixx holding several bags of pixy sticks and right behind him are Ryou and Yugi, who are dragging their yami's out of the store. Ryou has Bakura by the ear and is chewing him out while Yugi is gripping Yami's shirt sleeve and keeps shooting him disappointed looks.

After a bit of arguing, they are forced to change the seating arrangements in the van because Yugi and Ryou no longer wish to sit by their others halves. It takes a lot of yelling, arguing, and unwanted stress to get things arranged the best they can get.

Fifteen minutes later they're all finally back in the van and ready to go. Joey is still up front with Seto. Behind the two of them are Yugi, Ryou, and Serenity and behind them are Duke, Tristan, Nixx, and Mokuba. In the very back are Yami and Bakura, who are not at all happy with the seating arrangements.

Nobody says a word as they pull away from the gas station, as Seto's tense enough as it is. Even Joey feels it's best not to say anything, whether he's bored or not. But of course, the quiet tension won't last too long before something else happens.

"Look, it's Malik and Mariku!" Nixx suddenly exclaims. "Stop the van! Lets see if they want to go!"

Seto twitches.

"Please big brother." Mokuba begs. "Pretty please with sugar on top?"

As always, Seto gives him with a heavy sigh and pulls over to the side of the road. In the back, Nixx rolls down his window. "Hey guys! Wanna ride?" He yells to the two blondes.

Malik rubs his ear. "You don't need to yell."

Mariku's eyes light up. "A ride? Where are you going? Can we go Malik? Please can we go?"

'I knew I shouldn't have given him sugar before we left home.' Malik things. "Fine. We can go." He looks into the van. "If there's room for us."

Mokuba and Nixx beam and Yugi rolls down his window to talk to the two as well.

"There's plenty of room." Yugi tells the two. "Mariku can sit in the back with Yami and Bakura and you can sit up here with me, Ryou, and Serenity."

"Yay!" Mariku charges straight for the back. Via the window. Because of this he has to climb over Nixx and Mokuba and then he gets tangled in some of the ribbon holding back the suitcases.

Meanwhile, Yugi, Ryou, and Serenity scoot over so Malik can sit down.

They eventually get settled down, although Mariku did make all the suitcases fall free of the 'barricade'. He's discovered that some of them are quite heavy.

Seto hit's the accelerator and they're back on the road.

"Hey Malik, why are you guys out here anyway?" Yugi asks.

"Isis sent us out to get her some tampons." Malik replies brightly. "Although I'm not entirely sure what they are. Do any of you know?"

Serenity giggles, Yugi and Ryou sweat drop, Joey groans and mutters, "a potentially dangerous weapon", Seto ignores them all, and the others remain thankfully oblivious.

Malik blinks. "Was it something I said?"

"_Lets sing a song!"_

Seto has decided those are his least favorite four words to be used together. He has also decided that he will never again willingly go anywhere with the other occupants of the van.

For the past hour and a half, nonstop mind you, the gang has been singing and it's all because of Bakura and Mariku and their _brilliant _idea's. It started off simple enough with 'the song that never ends' which changed to 'the song that gets on everybody's nerves' after a half hour. Then it switched to some Disney movie songs, lead by Joey and Yugi and now they've gotten back to normal road trip songs.

"99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer! Take one down and pass it around! 98 bottles of beer on the wall!" Bakura sings loudly.

Nixx picks up the next one. "98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer! Take one down and pass it around! 97 bottles of beer on the wall!"

And so it continues, around and around the van. Everyone except Seto sings. It makes one wonder if they're purposely trying to annoy Seto.

It's when they get to "55 bottles of beer on the wall…!" that Seto finally loses it.

"SHUT THE HELL UP DAMN IT!"

The van falls into silence and everyone stares at the heavily breathing Seto in shock. Joey doesn't even want to yell at him for cursing in front of his little sister for fear of the CEO's wrath.

Five minutes pass. And then thirty. The group begins to grow restless with no one talking, particularly the yami's. Nixx takes to staring out the window, Mokuba rests his head on Nixx's shoulder, Bakura and Mariku whisper quietly back and forth, Yami glares at the two he's stuck with, Ryou pulls out a book to read, Yugi finds a map and begins looking at it, Duke and Tristan glare at one another while plotting ways to get close to Serenity, Serenity looks out the window, and Joey discovers a box of raisins he lost.

All is still silent. We all know that can't last too long.

"I GOTTA PEE!" Mariku suddenly shouts frown the back.

Seto nearly slams onto the brake. Actually, he does slam on the brake. This makes the rear end of the car rise a few feet off the ground, sending everyone crashing toward the front and the suitcases dislodge themselves again, before the rear end hit's the ground again with an audible 'THUMP!'.

There's silence for a moment inside the van. Outside, numerous angry people honk their car horns at them.

"Can we find a rest stop or something?" Mariku asks, looking around the road. "I really gotta pee."

"I told you to go before we left the house." Malik mutters. "But _no_, you didn't listen. Idiot."

"Don't make me crawl up there." Mariku threatens, lilac eyes darkening.

"I dare you." Malik replies.

"SHUT UP!" Seto roars, slamming his fist down on the steering wheel.

The two Egyptian's do so, staring at Seto in something akin to shock.

After a second or two, Mariku leans over to Bakura and whispers, "What crawled up his ass and died?"

Bakura just shrugs. "Dunno."

So after an unscheduled pit stop at a rest stop, Seto practically floors it trying to make up for last time. Everyone else clings to something in the car or to one another, and Yugi and Ryou find themselves wishing they hadn't sent their yami's into the back as punishment. Tristan and Duke cling to one another screaming girlishly. Serenity says nothing and tries her best not to look out the window. Nixx comforts Mokuba, who's slightly frightened by his brother's behavior. Malik, Bakura, and Mariku shout, "Go! Go! Go!", clearly enjoying themselves while Yami edges away from them and prays to all the gods and goddesses he can think of to live through this so he can apologize to Yugi. Up in the front, Joey whimpers and clings to his seat while muttering, "Please don't crash, please don't crash, please don't crash…!" The one time he does open his eyes he yelps and screams, "WATCH THE CAR, DAMN IT!"

Seto expertly zooms around the vehicle in front of them, driving as calmly as ever as if the high speed he's going at (93 mph to be exact).

"Kaiba! Slow down!" Joey yells. "You're gonna get us all killed!"

"If I slow down will you all shut up so I can hear myself think?" Seto asks, speeding up a little.

"Yes!" Everyone except Malik, Bakura, and Mariku yell. Of course, the three crazy people yell, "No!"

"I'll get the duct tape, you get something to tie them up with." Ryou mutters to Yugi, who nods in agreement and pulls out a roll of pink ribbon with hearts of them.

Ryou looks at the ribbon for a moment. "Yugi…? Nevermind, I don't want to know."

"Téa gave it to me for Christmas." Yugi explains. "I forgot I put them in this jacket pocket, that's all."

"If you say so." Ryou doesn't look too convinced.

Ten minutes later, the two lights have convinced Malik to agree to be quiet for a while and have gotten him and Yami to help them tie up Bakura and Mariku and duct tape their mouths shut.

Seto slows down to the speed limit when he's sure there will be quiet for a while.

An hour later, everyone except for Joey has relaxed and Bakura and Mariku have begun to break out of their cocoons of duct tape reinforced pink ribbon. Ten minutes later the two have begun trying to break free by chewing through the duct tape and ribbon. Yami's beginning to get frightened.

"Aibou-"

"No, Yami. They are not rabid." Yugi says firmly.

Ryou looks at Yugi in confusion. "How did you know what he was going to ask?"

Yugi grins. "His side of the mind link is wide open. It doesn't help that I keep getting images of Bakura and Mariku foaming at the mouth."

Ryou's eyes flicker to the back for a moment. "Maybe I should check up on him…"

"I'm sure they're just messing with Yami's head like usual, Ryou." Malik says, having overheard the conversation. "Mariku keeps cackling through our mind link."

Ryou bites his bottom lip. "If you say so."

Fifteen minutes later Bakura and Mariku have broken free and are plotting. Yami's cowering in fear in a corner. In front of them, Mokuba is drifting off to sleep in Nixx's lap, and Duke and Tristan are playing cards. In front of those four, Ryou, Yugi, Malik, and Serenity are quietly talking about what they're going to do once they get to the mall. Up in the very front, Seto is driving and trying not to pay attention to the others and Joey is still clinging to the seat, and has decided to never trust Seto with driving ever again.

"Hey, Seto!" Nixx calls. "Lets find a place to stop for the night. Mokuba's falling asleep in my lap."

"And you don't like that?" Seto retorts.

"Would you like for me to have my way with him?"

"Go to hell, Lexus."

"Don't wanna."

"Do it anyway."

"Make me!"

Seto growls and then turns around, letting go of the steering wheel and stepping on the acceleration.

"DAMN IT, KAIBA! THE ROAD! THE ROAD!" Joey yells, grabbing the steering wheel while Seto attempts to climb in the back to strange Nixx. "A MONKEY COULD DRIVE BETTER THAN YOU! HELL, _BAKURA _COULD DRIVE BETTER!"

Ryou groans. "Please tell me he did not just say that."

Malik pats Ryou on the back. "Sorry, Ryou. He did."

In the back, Bakura perks up at the mention of him driving. "Can I drive?"

"NO!" Ryou shrieks. "I am _never _letting _you _behind the wheel of a car _again_! _Ever_!"

"It wasn't that bad." Bakura says. "Just because I crashed into a few things and pretended to be a NASCAR driver doesn't mean I'm a bad driver."

"Never, ever again. Never, never, never, never, never again." Ryou murmurs. "Not a bad driver. Ha! The very thought makes me ill…"

Malik and Yugi both scoot away from their white-haired friend, beginning to doubt his sanity and fear for what little they have remaining.

After Mokuba makes Seto calm down and Joey's screaming gets him to pay attention to the road again, the search for a hotel to stay in begins.

Less than fifteen minutes later they find one, and then the problems begin anew.

First of all, Bakura decides to freak out about the van and the number of people in it. "No! Don't get out of the van, Ryou!" He yells.

Everyone turns to look at the white-haired thief. Ryou sighs. "What is it this time?"

"There's thirteen of us in here! Whoever's the first one out of the van's gonna get killed!"

Ryou makes an exasperated noise. "Bakura, I highly doubt that we're going to die just by stepping out of the van. Unless there's a mad axe-man waiting in the bushes for a van with thirteen people in it to pull up. And since _you _and _Mariku _are the mad axe-men, I don't think we have much to worry about."

Bakura looks slightly disappointed.

The next problem comes with the hotel rooms.

"What do you mean there's only five rooms!" Seto yells at the top of his lungs, which turns out to be really, _really _loud.

"I'm sorry sir," The woman at the desk says. "but we only have five rooms left."

Grumbling and glaring at everyone, Seto pays and takes the cards for the rooms and heads over to where the group is waiting. "There's five rooms." He says dully.

"I wanna be with Mokuba!" Nixx shouts, practically clinging to his boyfriend.

"You have a snowball's chance in hell, Lexus." Seto says with a glare, then he shoves the cards into Ryou's hands. "You organize this."

Ryou blinks for a moment and then his eyes light up. /Bakura! Seto's leaving me in charge of the rooms/

Bakura lazily pokes Yami in the arm, making the ex-pharaoh jump and glare at him. /./That's nice././

/What happened to you wanting to play matchmaker/

/./That was you././ Bakura replies. /./But if you really want me to help, then I will././ A smirk crosses his face as he ducks a punch from Yami. /./Put Kaiba and Wheeler in the same room././

/We'll have to put more than two people in each room./ Ryou reminds.

/./Fine, put pink-boy and his lover in there with them. And Mariku and Malik are with us././

Ryou sighs. /I should have expected that… So Yami and Yugi get a room together and then Duke and Tristan and Serenity gets her own room./

/./Sounds fine. Now leave me to torment the pharaoh././

Ryou rolls his eyes and then dampens the mind link between them so Bakura can go back to doing his 'duty' of annoying Yami with the help of Mariku. "Guys, I've figured out who's sleeping where."

The entire group, with the exception of the three yami's, turn to face Ryou.

"Seto, Mokuba, Nixx, and Joey will be in room 302. Yami and Yugi have room 305. Tristan and Duke are in room 301. Serenity's in room 303. And myself, Bakura, Mariku, and Malik have room 308."

"SAY WHAT?" Joey yells. "There's no way I'm sleeping in the same room as rich-boy! Put me with Serenity!"

"Joey, that room only has one bed." Ryou says patiently.

"I don't care! I'd rather sleep in the same bed as my sister rather than with that jerk or the pink boy!" Joey yells angrily.

"You're sleeping with Seto and that's final." Ryou says.

Mokuba, Nixx, Malik, Mariku, and Bakura snicker at that statement.

"You know what I mean!" Ryou yells.

Bakura tries to make a straight face long enough to say, "Yes," but fails miserably and starts laughing once again.

"See if you get any during this entire trip." Ryou mutters, hoping Bakura hears his statement.

"WHAT?" Bakura yells. "No, Ryou! You can't do that to me! Please!"

Ryou giggles and hands out the card keys to the responsible ones in each room. This means he gives one to Mokuba, one to Yugi, one to Duke, Serenity gets hers, and he keeps the one for his group.

"So what should we do until night fall? We can't stay down here, obviously." Duke says, gesturing to the clerk who looks about ready to march over and ask them to leave the lobby.

Thanks to Yugi's quick thinking, they soon have a plan. "Lets go up to mine and Yami's room and order dinner. Until nightfall we can play games and stuff. It'll be fun! Like a sleepover!" Yugi says excitedly.

"A sleepover, Yugi?" Malik teases, making the smaller boy blush.

"It just, popped out."

The woman at the desk begins coming around to ask them to leave.

"Alright! Time to go!" Malik yells, deciding to round up everyone. "Come on! We're going up to Yugi and Yami's room for a while. _All of us_." He looks directly at Seto when he says this.

Seto glares, not at all happy that he's being ordered around. But then Mokuba gives him one of his pathetic little looks and Seto twitches and gives in.

Which is how they all wind up in Yugi and Yami's hotel room, sitting on the beds or on the floor and in Seto's case, leaning against a wall trying to look intimidating. Oh, and Joey is, for some reason or another, in the closet. Nobody knows exactly what he's doing in there. All they know is that he's been in there ever since they all got into the room.

"Alright," Joey says suddenly. "I'm coming out of the closet now!"

Mariku and Bakura start snickering, Nixx smirks, Serenity blinks, Duke raises an eyebrow, Ryou and Malik sigh, Yami, Tristan, and Mokuba sweat drop, and Yugi chokes on his soda. Before anyone can contemplate where Yugi got the soda, Joey steps out of the closet dressed in a Victorian style green dress.

There's silence in the room.

Then Bakura voices just about everyone's opinion. "Wheeler, what the hell?"

To everyone's surprise, Joey just grins. "Heh, lost a bet with Lexus and had to do this. It's not as bad as I though it'd be. At least Roman, Alexandrian, and Téa aren't here to see me like this."

As if it's his cue, Nixx snaps a photo and begins laughing. "I am _so _showing this to everyone!"

"WHAT! Lexus, give me that camera!" Joey screams, lifting up the skirt of the dress so he can run.

Nixx just sticks his tongue out and runs away from Joey.

And so begins the game of 'keep the camera away from Joey'. During this time, several amusing pictures are taken. One of Joey tackling Nixx, the next of Joey glaring at the person taking the picture, two of Joey tripping over Yami and Yugi, and the personal favorite of Mokuba, who took one in secret, one of Joey tripping and falling into Seto's arms.

Mokuba has promised to give Serenity a picture of that one, just because she finds it utterly adorable.

And so ends the night, with Seto developing a serious headache, Joey knocked out from hitting the wall too hard after Seto shoved him away, Nixx is having trouble breathing because he's laughing too hard, and the others are wondering if they're going to survive all seven days with these people.

One day down.

_**-O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?--O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?-**_

Character thoughts:

Seto: _I'm gonna die..._

Mokuba_: (giggles) Seto's sleeping with Joey, Seto's sleeping with Joey!_

Joey:_ There is _**no way**_ I'm sleeping in the same bed as that rich punk! _(10 minutes later) _Grrrr... (as far away from Seto as he possibly can while still being on the bed)_

Tristan: _Why me? Why am I stuck with the dice-crazed feminine one?_

Yugi: _giggles I'm sharing a bed with Yami. We need to let Ryou make sleeping arrangements for the rest of the trip!_

Yami: _Alone... in a room... with aibou. Must control urges_.

Nixx: _I get to sleep in the same bed as Mokuba without getting killed by Seto! It's a dream come true! (insert numerous floating hearts)_

Duke: _Kaiba is not driving tomorrow. Note to self: vote for new driver in the morning._

Serenity: _It sure was nice of Ryou to let me have a room by myself._

Bakura: _(thinking evil thoughts)_

Ryou: _Why did I put myself with these three again?_

Malik: _(drooling over a half-dressed Mariku) Mariku..._

Mariku: _(thinking about naughty things to do with Malik)_

0-0-0-0

Shiro: And so ends day one. Six more days of chaos and craziness to go! That means there's six chapters left of this story. Thank Ra.

Bast: That is a good thing. That means once this is over you can-

Shiro: (excitedly) Get started on the sequel!

Bast: (glares) I was going to say, get back to working full-time on 'Family Bonds' and 'The Chaos of First Meetings'.

Shiro: Oh... Darn.


	3. Day 2: Dice and A Game

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Yugioh. I don't even own Nixxus Gene Lexus, Roman Jacob Lexus Jr., or Alexandrian James Lexus, as they belong to my dear friend Seto-chan (who now has an account on here! Is it rude to ask you all to go check out the one story she has posted? Her penname is Seto-chanluvj-kun.) And nor do I own American cheese. Or 'Whose Line is it Anyway'. Or Burger King for that matter.

**Warnings**: Shonen ai, that means boyxboy, folks. Some cursing. And OOC-ness, which is abundant because it's what makes this story so funny. I try to make them in-character as much as I can, but I usually wind up failing. Ah well, the OOC-ness is supposed to be there, everyone. Don't like it, don't read. If you like it or find it amusing or both, read on and enjoy the insanity!

_**-O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?--O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?-**_

Day 2: Dice and A Game

Log of the Road Trip

_Day 2_

_After the theatrics yesterday, we all voted to have someone other than Kaiba drive. And that was just this morning after Bakura and Mariku started a food fight in the hotel cafeteria and got us all kicked out._

_That's not all that has happened though. Last night I couldn't get to sleep because of Taylor's snoring, Wheeler and Kaiba's yelling, and things going bump in the night from the room the psycho's are in._

_The one good thing that happened is that Taylor sleepwalks and apparently he walked right out of the hotel! We haven't been able to find him and that was after we sent Bakura and Mariku after him. Of course, I wouldn't want to be found either if those two were looking for me._

_So now the others are loading up the van. Or more accurately, the yami's and Ishtar are being put to work. Kaiba's leaning against the van, Ryou and Yugi are making sure their yami's stay under control, and Lexus, Mokuba, and my darling Serenity are already in the van with me._

_I can't help but wonder how this day will go. What surprised are going to be in store for us? Nothing too violent, I hope._

_-D. Devlin_

And so they set out once again. The seating arrangements are different and everyone is quiet, even Bakura and Mariku. Up front Duke is driving with Serenity in the passenger seat. Behind them are Joey, Seto, Mokuba, and Nixx and behind those four are Yami, Yugi, Malik, and Ryou. In the very back with the luggage are Bakura and Mariku.

For the first half hour, the van remains silent. And then Duke decides that it's too quiet and so he turns on the radio. After fiddling with it for a few minutes, and nearly running off the road and crashing into other vehicles in the process, he finds nothing to his liking.

"Hey, Bakura! Look in my bag and toss my CD case up here!" Duke yells.

Bakura does so, having nothing better to do and figuring he can cause some destruction in the process. He smirks when he locates the hard case that contains all of Duke's CD's. "Hey, Devlin! Catch!" And with that he throws the CD case up at Duke. Literally.

The heavy plastic collides with a loud 'thunk!' on Duke's head, making the black-haired boy see spots for a few minutes, run off the road and hit a mailbox, nearly hit two people walking on the side of the road, and curse loudly.

"Stop cursing in front of my sister, Devlin!" Joey yells.

Meanwhile Nixx has rolled down the window and is looking at the two passersby that they nearly hit. "We almost hit my brothers! Darn it! Why couldn't you have hit them!"

Bakura crosses his arms over his chest. "If it were me driving-"

"We'd all be dead." Yami mutters.

"I heard that, pharaoh!" Bakura growls.

"I meant you to, idiot tomb robber."

"Bastard!"

"Horrible plotter!"

"Goody-goody!"

"Maniacal idiot!"

"Cat hater!"

Yami gasps. "You take that back!"

Bakura smirks. "No. I don't want to."

"TAKE IT BACK!" Yami yells, jumping into the back of the van.

"STOP THE VAN!" Seto roars, fed up with the crazy people he's stuck with in said van.

Duke slams on the brakes which makes the car screech to a halt and nearly run off the road. The acrid smell of burning rubber fills the air and the van runs over something with an audible 'bump'.

"Alright, who cut the cheese!" Mariku yells.

Yugi looks up from the block of American cheese that he's cutting. "Oh, sorry. Do you want some?"

"Yes!" Mariku yells. "Gimme the cheese, starfish boy!"

Malik hits Mariku in the head. "Shut up or you get no cheese!"

Ignoring the strange people in the back of the van, Duke gets out to check and see what it was that he hit and finds that there's a pair of dice laying in the middle of the road. He gasps dramatically and scoops up the cracked objects, cradling them against his cheek. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'll never ever hurt you ever again! I'm going to take you home with me and love you and cuddle you and-"

"Hey dice-boy! Get back in the van!" Bakura yells.

After sobbing over the dice for a few more minutes, Duke makes his way back to the van and gets back in the driver's seat. Before he has a chance to start up the car, Nixx's older brothers, Roman and Alexandrian, jump in front of the van. Well, Roman jumps and Alexandrian just sort of follows slowly.

Anyway, it's because the fraternal twins are standing in front of the van that they can't really go anywhere. Although if it were Bakura or Mariku (or maybe Nixx) driving, then it'd be a different story. But alas, 'tis Duke who is driving and although he's a horrible driver, he's also a good guy and it wouldn't be a very 'good guy' thing to do if he were to run over the two boys. That and he just doesn't want to sit through another of Tea's friendship speeches. Pegasus isn't even that bad! He's just a little mentally unstable, that's all. And besides, Duke finds him amusing.

"Floor it! Floor it!" Nixx yells from the back. "Don't let them in! Don't let them see me!"

"Nixx, I think it might be a little too late for that." Yugi points out.

Roman strolls over to Duke's window, an evil smirk on his face. "I have one thing to tell you all if Nixx is going to go with you. Give him hell for me. And if you need any incentive," He holds out a hand toward his twin.

Alexandrian sighs and mutters something about having insane brothers before handing over a large manila envelope that's about three inches thick.

"Here's a file containing all the things Nixx has said, done, thought about doing, written down, and failed to follow through with that deals with everyone in the van except Mokuba." Roman finishes, handing over the manila envelope to Duke. "And there's also some blackmail in there. Use it wisely!"

And with that, they're back on the road traveling about fifteen mph over the legal speed limit. It's not bad compared to Kaiba driving fifteen mph over the more than highly _illegal _speed limit. So nobody complains.

That is, until Duke pops in one of his rock CD's and cranks up the music. Then the complaints start. Or complaint, more like.

"This is wussy shit, Devlin!" Bakura yells. "Why don't you put in the _good _shit!"

Ryou sighs. "Bakura, the music you listen too will most likely break the speakers, blow something up, or make us go deaf or insane or both. The music you listen to; _it's not normal_!"

Bakura pouts and begins sulking and trying to think up a way to get to listen to _his _music.

Since it's Duke driving instead of Seto, they're all able to talk freely without getting risked yelled at to shut up. And also, all of Seto's rules are now null and void. As it is, Nixx and Mokuba are giggling over nothing, Joey's annoying Seto who's trying his best not to react, Yami and Yugi are cuddling, Bakura's still sulking and plotting, Mariku's whispering things into Malik's ear, Ryou's reading a book, and Serenity and Duke are happily talking up front about things they can all do at the mall.

"I've got an idea!" Mokuba suddenly shouts.

Seto immediately groans. Those four words are also words he has learned to fear and hate. Especially when it's his brother who says them. Usually those four little words are followed by chaos of some sort. Just like this road trip.

"What's your idea?" Joey asks. He has given up trying to annoy the emotionless person he's sitting beside, designating it to be a lost cause.

"Have you guys ever heard of 'Whose Line Is It Anyway'?" Mokuba asks.

Seto begins looking around for something hard to hit his head against. Amazing that he hasn't lost those much needed brain cells that keep him sane and able to run a company. Even more amazing is that he hasn't gotten a concussion. Yet.

"That's show's awesome!" Joey exclaims.

Never mind how the heck they're watching an American show in Japan.

Mokuba grins. "Great! We're going to play 'Whose Line: Road Trip version'. I made it up." He says cheerfully.

The others, with the exception of Nixx, sweat drop.

Duke turns down the music as Mokuba whispers something to him and hands him a burnt CD. Within minutes they're going only five mph above the speed limit.

"Hello everyone and welcome to 'Whose Line: Road Trip Version'!" Sometime during those few minutes Mokuba acquired a pink hair brush. Nixx's pink hair brush, to be exact. "I'm your host, Mokuba Kaiba! Here with me today I have 'I'm gonna rule to world' Mariku! 'I'm not a dog' Joey Wheeler! 'I will send your pathetic mortal soul to the Shadow Realm' Bakura! And 'I refuse to show any emotions', my big brother Seto Kaiba!" He grins when he receives a glare from said brother. "So this is 'Whose Line: Road Trip Version'; the game where everything's made up and the points don't matter! That's right, they don't matter. Just like any products Yami and Yugi use to try and tame their hair."

Yugi giggles and Yami rolls his eyes.

Mokuba continues. "Our first game is going to be…" He tries to think of the name. "Erm… the limited sentences one. Anyway. Bakura, Mariku, and Joey are aliens trying to find a place to land on Earth. Bakura, you're the leader."

"Yes!" Bakura says.

"What have you done." Ryou says. "You're going to give him strange ideas!"

Mokuba ignores the white-haired hikari. "Yeah, so Bakura's the leader and Mariku and Joey are the only other crew members on the spaceship. Mariku, the only thing's you can say are 'I'm gonna rule the world!' and 'Can I blow something up?'. Joey, the only thing's you can say are 'Can I touch that?' and 'Look! A donut!'."

Joey grumbles something under his breath.

"Alright, begin whenever you want!" Mokuba says cheerfully.

Bakura smirks. "What a fine day it is! Now we just have to find a planet to land on and see what strange life forms live on it."

"I'm gonna rule the world!" Mariku cackles.

Bakura glares at him. "No you're not! _I_ am because _I_ am the leader here!"

"Can I touch that?" Joey asks, pointing to the seat.

"No you can't touch that!" Bakura yells. "Now listen-"

"Look! A donut!" Joey picks up the imaginary donut and takes a bite.

"_Right_. Anyway-"

"Can I blow something up?" Mariku asks, peering out a window.

Bakura rolls his eyes. "Yeah, sure."

Mariku begins making noises of explosion.

"What I'm trying to say is that whatever you do you should never push this button." Bakura points to an imaginary button.

"Can I touch that?" Joey asks, pointing to the imaginary button.

"I just said not to touch it!" Bakura roars.

"I'm gonna rule the world!"

A buzzer sounds from the stereo system.

"That was great!" Mokuba laughs. "Alright, now for our next game: scenes from a hat!" He holds up an old cowboy hat that Seto vaguely recognizes from some party or another that Mokuba got him drunk during.

"While you all were doing the last scene, I passed this hat around along with some sticky notes and have everyone else write down interesting scene ideas. Then me and Nixx went through them and took out all the bad ones and threw them out the window." Mokuba says. "So here we go. And just so you know, this is a game for all four of you and you have to do at least four of the scenes." He adds, giving his brother a look. "Anyway, the first one is," He takes one of the sticky notes out of the hat and reads it. "_'Things Bakura would never say'_."

Mariku smirks. "_I love my cuddly Ryou-kins!_"

Bakura glares at him while Ryou blushes and sinks down in his seat.

Joey grins. "_I want a donut!_"

Seto crosses his arms over his chest and then smirks. "_I hate sending people to the_ 'Shadow Realm'."

"_I love the pharaoh!_" Mariku laughs.

"Yeah, he'd definitely never say that." Yami says with a chuckle.

"Next one!" Mokuba says quickly. He reaches back in the hat and pulls out the next scene and reads it giggling when he's done. "_'What Joey's thinking right now'_."

Joey grins. "_Man, I really want a donut_."

The others laugh.

Mariku grins evilly, his mind still locked into his 'plotting' mode. "_Damn, Kaiba looks hot right now._"

Joey blushes and looks away while Seto glares at Mariku. The others hide amused grins and smiles.

"At least he kept it PG-13 for once." Malik says.

Bakura smirks, having heard that comments. "_Damn, Kaiba looks fuckable right now_."

Ryou groans. "But mine didn't… I can't believe- actually, yes I can believe him. He's Bakura. He does evil things. It requires no explanation." He sighs. "What god did I accidentally piss off?"

"That's enough of that scene!" Mokuba says loudly. He reaches back into the hat and pulls out another sticky note. He reads it and blushes before crumpling it up and tossing it at Nixx's head. "Maybe later." He tells him. Then Mokuba reaches back into the hat and gets another sticky note. "This should be good! _'If Kaiba (older) were to dye his hair, what color would he dye it'_."

Joey grins and mimics brushing his hair. "_Hmm… I think I'll dye my hair green today_." (1)

Mokuba bursts out laughing while Seto turns red and looks out the window, determined not to think about that one unfortunate incident.

While the others look between the two in confusion, a look of amusement crosses Joey's face.

"You've gotta be kidding me. Hey Mokuba, tell me you've got pictures."

Mokuba nods as he tries to control his laughter. Eventually he does. "Of course! I have them right here!"

Seto turns to glare at his brother. "Tell me you did _not _bring those accursed photographs with you."

"Okay, I didn't bring them." Mokuba says, handing Joey a few photo's. "Here Joey, check this out."

Joey busts out laughing when he sees the pictures. "Oh man, this is priceless! Tell me I can keep 'em!"

"Sure, I've got others at home." Mokuba says.

Seto growls. "Mokuba Kaiba…!"

Mokuba just smiles innocently. "Lets go onto the next scenes." He says as he reaches back into the hat. "We've got a lot of these in here… _'What Bakura thinks during a duel with Yami'_."

Mariku smirks. "_I'm gonna win! I'm gonna win! I'm gonna- Damn it, I lost!"_

Ryou has to hide a giggle, since that is just about what goes through Bakura's head when he duels.

A buzzer sounds from the speakers for the second time.

"Alright, that's the end of that game." Mokuba says. "Lets move on to _'Lets Make a Date!'_ Joey, you're hosting a dating show and you get to choose from Seto, Bakura, and Mariku."

Nixx hands the three their cards and Mokuba gives them time to read them before he continues. "So, start any time you want. And when I think you can guess somewhat correctly, I'll have Duke make the buzzer sound and you can guess who they are."

Joey grins. "Great! This'll be fun!" He turns to the others. "Hello bachelors! How are you today?"

The others sweat drop.

"Okay… bachelor number one, if you were a candy then what candy would you be?" Joey asks.

Mariku puts an innocent look on his face, much like that of his hikari's. "A candy bar? Well I'd have to say-" He cuts himself off and changes voices so he sounds more like a young Malik. "Candy! I love candy!" His voice changes back. "Shut up!" He hisses, before changing his voice again. "Wah! You're mean!"

Joey sweat drops and edges away from Mariku. "Erm… thank you bachelor number one. On to bachelor number two. If you were to take me anywhere in the world for a romantic getaway, where would you take me?"

This time it's Seto's turn. "I have not time for that! I'm trying to concentrate, you idiot! If I plan this right I can win!"

Joey rolls his eyes. "Fine. Jerk. Bachelor number three, what kind of animal would you describe yourself as?"

Bakura makes his appearance softer and more like that of his hikari's. "Well, I'd have to say that I would be a kitten. Yes, a sweet little kitten. A sweet little fluffy kitten, who unlike a certain other two, will get along with everyone." He finishes bitterly.

"That's cute. But I like dogs." Joey says. "Bachelor number one. Say I was drowning in a pool and there was nobody else around. What would you do?"

Mariku still has the innocent look on his face. "Well, I'd do the logical thing and-"He cuts himself off and changes his voice so it's darker. "I'd let you drown! Mwahahaha!" His voice changes back. "No I wouldn't! That's stupid!" He changes his voice again to the young Malik one. "That's mean! You shouldn't drown people! You should save people because that's the nice thing to do!"

"That's very creepy." Joey says. "Alright, back to bachelor number two. If you and me were playing a game, would you be angry if I won?"

Seto narrows his eyes. "Simply put, yes. And then I'd challenge you over and over until I beat you. I beat you! I beat Yami! Ha!"

Joey snickers. "Yeah, okay. Bachelor number three. Umm… tell me something about yourself."

Bakura resists the urge to smirk as he keeps up his little act. "Well, I live with a lunatic thief who invites over his insane friend all of the time and neither of them know how to even pretend to be nice." He crosses his arms over his chest and pouts. "And I've told them time and time again that they even if they don't like my friends that they should at least pretend to because like it or not, they will be spending time together. They make me so mad!"

Ryou narrows his eyes, not at all amused by Bakura's little act.

The buzzer sounds.

"Joey, do you have any idea who they are?" Mokuba asks.

Joey thinks for a minute. "Lets see… Mariku is… Malik during Battle City?"

Malik glares at the blonde duelist. "Are you calling me insane?"

Wanting to avoid the impending argument, Mokuba cuts it off. "You're close. He's a schizophrenic slowly going more insane."

Joey laughs. "Yeah, that makes more sense since it was just Malik and Mariku in Battle City. Alright, Seto has just won a duel against Yami for the first time."

"Correct!" Mokuba says with a laugh. "So that leaves Bakura."

"He's Ryou who is… ranting about Bakura and Mariku not liking the rest of us." Joey says. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

Mokuba nods. "Pretty much. Bakura was _'Ryou preparing to lecture Mariku and Bakura on the importance of trying to act like they like the others'_." He reads off the card he has.

The others have a laugh over that round and so the game continues. They know now one thing for sure, and that's that Mokuba can drag out a game for hours and still keep it entertaining. And the best part is that there's no winner or loser so there's no arguments over who won for once.

Eventually though, they are forced to stop for lunch, during which more chaos arises.

Everyone except for Yami, Bakura, Mariku, and Seto are sitting inside the van with all the windows rolled down and the doors wide open and are waiting for the four to return from inside Burger King. Why there's a Burger King in the middle of Japan, no one has a clue. It's just there for convenience apparently.

Anyway, they're waiting there for the four to come back with the food. Why they chose those four to get the food, nobody really knows. It did seem like a good idea at the time. And besides, Yami and Seto are in there so what's the worst that could happen?

Nixx voices that very same opinion. And now they're all going to learn a very important lesson. And that is that while on a road trip _"What's the worst that can happen" _is one of those phrases that need to be avoided.

Soon after Nixx spoke those dreaded words, Bakura and Mariku run out cackling like the idiots they are with bags of food in their arms. Following them are Yami and Seto, who appear to be in an argument over something or other.

Ryou and Yugi both hop out of the van and glare at their darker halves. Those little lights can be scary when they want to be.

"What. Did. You. Do." Ryou growls when Bakura's close enough to him. "Did I _not _make it clear enough to you to _not _make any trouble while getting the food?"

"It's all Kaiba's fault! Don't blame us!" Bakura exclaims, pointing an accusatory finger at the brunette who is still arguing with Yami.

After much yelling and arguing, they finally sit down in their spots in the van to eat. Every now and then Yami glares at Seto and mutters something under his breath before Yugi notices and whispers something in his ear to calm his boyfriend down.

Eventually, they get back on the road. Duke still drives and cranks up his rock music so loud that everyone has to yell if they want to be heard over it. Needless to say, by the time they pull up to the hotel they choose to stay in for the night, everyone is either irritated, has a headache, or never wants Duke to drive again. Actually, none of them want Duke to drive again.

Maybe the next day will be better?

_**-O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?--O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?-**_

(1) Bwahahaha! This is for you, Seto-chan! You know I had to include Kaiba and his green hair in here somewhere! To everyone else, this is a bit of an inside joke between me and my friend. I enjoy teasing her about the fact that Seto had green hair in the very first show that didn't revolve around Duel Monsters. I find it amusing. She doesn't. Neh heh heh!

0-0-0-0

Character thoughts:

Seto: _I'm going to ground Mokuba for giving Wheeler those photographs..._

Mokuba_: Now what can we do tomorrow...?_

Joey:_ I can't believe I'm stuck sleeping in the same room as rich boy again! At least we got two beds this time though. And he does look kinda- NO! Bad Joey! Bad thoughts! Lets think about something else! Lets think about... donuts! Yeah, donuts are nice. And safe too. I love donuts. I wonder if I can get a donut for breakfast. Or maybe now. I'm hungry._

Yugi: _(sneaking up on Yami)_

Yami: _(is aware that Yugi is trying to sneak up on him and finds it cute)_

Nixx: _(glares at Duke) How did this happen? How did this happen? How did this happen! I'm suppose to be sleeping with Mokie-precious! My darling love! I miss you! (cries)_

Duke: _(facing away from Nixx in the other bed) I don't know who's worse; Taylor or the pink-boy who keeps glaring at me._

Serenity: _I hope big brother isn't too angry about having to sleep in the same room as Kaiba again._

Bakura: ...

Ryou: _I wonder what Bakura's thinking about._

Malik: _Zzzzzzzz..._

Mariku: ...

0-0-0-0

Shiro: It took a while, but I finally got it finished! You can thank me thinking about 'Whose Line Is It Anyway' and eating brownies at 11 at night while working on this chapter. Maybe I should stop eating those brownies at night. I tend to get really giggly when I do that and then I can't get to sleep.

Damian: Did Seto-chan really finally post that story?

Shiro: Hmm? Oh yeah! (giggles) I'm so happy! And she posted the Seto/Joey one! It's so cute! (squeals) For those of you who are curious about who I'm talking about, I'll tell you! My dear friend Seto-chan came over today and posted her first story on here. She finally has an account! Yay for her! Her pen name is Seto-chanluvj-kun. (dances)

Bast: I really don't think you need anymore sugar.

Shiro: But I want an oreo! Or a donut! A donut sounds really good right now.

Bast: Food obsessed blonde. It's no wonder Seto-chan and Gin call you Joey now.

Shiro: (grins) (in Joey-speech aka Joey-ese) I'm Joey-chan! Da girl version of Joey-kun!

Bast: -.-

Shiro: (still in Joey-speech aka Joey-ese) On ta 'da Chaos of First meetin's'!

Damian: (sweatdrops)

Shiro: Whooosh! ('whoooses' out of the room)


	4. Day 3: Squirrels, Sugar, and Walmart

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Yugioh. I don't even own Nixxus Gene Lexus, Roman Jacob Lexus Jr., or Alexandrian James Lexus, as they belong to my dear friend Seto-chan (who now has an account on here! Is it rude to ask you all to go check out the one story she has posted? Her penname is Seto-chanluvj-kun.) And nor do I own Wal-Mart.

**Warnings**: Shonen ai, that means boyxboy, folks. Some cursing. And OOC-ness, which is abundant because it's what makes this story so funny. I try to make them in-character as much as I can, but I usually wind up failing. Ah well, the OOC-ness is supposed to be there, everyone. Don't like it, don't read. If you like it or find it amusing or both, read on and enjoy the insanity!

**Edited: September 24, 2006**

_**-O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?--O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?-**_

Day 3: Squirrels, Hyperactivity, and Wal-Mart

_Log of the Road Trip_

_Day 3_

_Food: None_

_Sanity: Slowly fading_

_Today, Bakura is driving. Yes, you read this correctly; Bakura is driving. And I'm stuck up in the front with my lunatic yami who has his heavy metal music cranked all the way up. Thus far, we have run over several squirrels (some of which weren't even on the road), a turtle, two snakes, Duke's dice, and a stop sign or two. We also narrowly avoided a tree or two, the other cars, a bridge, and a shrubbery. _

_And also, the seating arrangements have changed again. Now Mariku, Malik, Yami, and Duke are behind us; Nixx, Mokuba, Serenity, and Yugi are behind them; and Kaiba and Joey are in the very back together. And Bakura said he wasn't going to help me. (-insert rolling eyes-)_

_So here we are. Bakura's got his music turned up so loud that the van vibrates and pulses along with the music, Yami and Duke are playing Dungeon Dice Monsters on a handheld thing Duke made up, Kaiba and Joey are arguing, Mariku's chanting 'do it again'! over and over, Malik's writing something, Yugi's reading a book he borrowed from me, and Nixx is flirting with Mokuba, who is flirting back._

_So all is normal. Oh dear… now we're pulling off the road for a stop. Maybe it has something to do with the pixie sticks Nixx found?_

0-0-0-0-0

Bakura glares up at the trees as Mariku and Nixx run circles around him screaming something about rabid animals. Meanwhile, Joey has dragged Seto off to get snacks and some coffee. The rest are either walking around or sitting on top of the picnic tables watching Mariku and Nixx.

"It's a squirrel! It's a squirrel! Kill it! Kill it!" Mariku shouts as he jumps onto Bakura's back. "Kill it Bakura! It's gonna _eat _me!"

"I want a hug!" Nixx randomly shouts as he stops running. He looks around for a moment before his blue eyes spot Mokuba. "Mokie-love! I want to hug you!" He runs over and tackle-hugs Mokuba, knocking the younger boy backwards off the table.

The two land together in the soft grass, and Nixx proceeds to nuzzle against Mokuba's cheek, murmuring, "I love my Mokie-kins, yes I do! My Mokie-love! All mine."

Mokuba just giggles and runs a hand through Nixx's turquoise and light blue hair.

Mariku's screeches of man-eating squirrels continues, to Bakura's growing annoyance and everyone else's amusement. Even Nixx pauses in his nuzzling for a millisecond to watch.

It's around the time that Bakura drops Mariku on the ground and starts chasing the squirrels in attempt to kill them to get Mariku to shut up that Joey and Seto return. Joey's arms are loaded up with various snacks while Seto has two cups of coffee. One of the cups is for himself, and the other…. For himself.

"What the hell is going on?" Seto asks, raising an eyebrow at the sight of Bakura running around cursing out the furry little squirrels.

"Well…" Yugi uncertainly begins. "You know Nixx found those pixie sticks and gave some to Mariku so they're both hyper. And while you and Joey were gone, Mariku jumped on Bakura's back yelling something about squirrels and how they want to eat him. Oh, and Nixx glomped Mokuba and started nuzzling him and whispering strange things."

"I told you we missed somethin'!" Joey yells at Seto. "But nooo, you had to glare at all the people in there and make them so uncomfortable that they kept fumbling with the coffee machine! So that took forever, and then you made the people at the vending machine's all uncomfortable so they got all flustered and couldn't choose what they wanted! And then you glared at the machine and it broke down when I was tryin' to get my snacks!"

Seto rolls his eyes and takes a gulp of his black coffee before he replies. "Wheeler, the machine did not break down because I glared at it. It broke down because you kicked it when it wouldn't give you the damn donuts because you pushed too many buttons."

Joey scowls and walks over to the van so he can put up his snacks. It's now that Seto realizes one of the things Yugi said and whirls around to glare at Nixx, accidentally spilling some of his burning hot coffee on Duke, who yells a curse as he jumps up and accidentally smacks Yugi in the face, who in turn falls into Yami who falls off the table and lands on the grass after his head whacks against the side of the wooden picnic table.

"LEXUS GET OFF MY BROTHER!"

Normally, that roar of anger would be the beginning of one of Seto and Nixx's infamous battles over Mokuba, but this time Nixx is too high on sugar to pay Seto any attention at all. And since Seto's busy yelling at Nixx, he's paying no attention to his coffee.

One can only guess what could happen next.

Mariku plus coffee plus an insane amount of sugar equals total chaos and mass destruction. Simply put, he dumps a bunch of sugar into Seto's coffee, stirs it up with a spork he keeps in his pocket and then sneaks off to help Bakura kill the furry things all the while laughing maniacally. Nothing odd there.

So, for the remaining twenty minutes Seto sits there glaring at Nixx while drinking his coffee, Yugi and Ryou discuss their yami's, Malik and Mariku make out, Joey sits in the van and starts eating his snacks, Duke and Serenity quietly talk about what they're going to do at the mall, Bakura continues to torture the squirrels, and Mokuba and Nixx sit there and flirt with one another.

It's about the time that Seto starts on his second cup of coffee while wondering why it tastes different than usual, that the squirrels strike back.

Now normally squirrels are nice, peaceful, tree-dwelling creatures that eat nuts. But these squirrels are different. They're a little… "special". These squirrels are "rabid". And so these squirrels fight back when faced with the threat that is Bakura.

The first clue that the squirrels are preparing to attack is when they all climb up onto high branches armed with nuts. Then they all stop chattering and focus solely on Bakura, who remains unaware of the armed squirrels and is busy chasing the decoys with a lighter and a stick. And then one throws a nut at Bakura.

What follows is pure and utter pandemonium. Mariku screams, "The squirrels are attacking! The squirrels are attacking!", Bakura resumes cursing out the squirrels while dodging nuts, and the others run for the van and get in. After five minutes of yelling, cursing, running, and nuts being thrown, Bakura and Mariku make a break for the van and dive in. Somehow, Bakura finds a gun in the car, rolls down his window, and shoots at the squirrels before he runs out of bullets. By that time the squirrels are running low on nuts and have resorting to jumping on the van. Making sure all the windows are rolled up, Bakura starts the car and slams on the accelerator. And off they go! In reverse.

"Bakura! We're going backwards, you idiot!" Seto screams. "Put it in drive, you-" He proceeds to curse out Bakura in another language that no one else except for maybe Mokuba can identify.

Bakura mutters something about stuffy CEO's and annoying squirrels as he puts the car into drive and once again slams on the accelerator. This time they go forward.

The others try their best to ignore the bumps and cracks as they run over half of the attacking squirrels, while Bakura and Mariku cackle evilly.

Fifteen minutes later they're back to speeding down the road with the heavy metal music turned up. Thankfully, it's not as loud this time so the others can actually talk and be able to hear one another.

And then, Seto giggles.

The car goes deadly silent before the music blares out of the speakers with a new song. Bakura swerves the car with a curse, muttering something about nearly missing a snake.

Seto giggles again.

Bakura makes Ryou turn down the music so that they can figure out if it's really Seto who's giggling.

"Big brother?" Mokuba nervously says. "Are you alright?"

Seto giggles in response and then starts humming. The humming doesn't last for too long and then he starts singing. "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! And this is how it goes! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! And this is how it goes!" And so he continues.

"What did you do to him!" Yami demands Mariku. "I know you did something! What did you do to him!"

"I just put a little sugar in his coffee. That's all." Mariku cheerfully replies.

Malik snorts. "A little? Try ten packets in each cup! You've gone and gotten him on a sugar high, you moron!"

Mokuba shivers when he hears this. "Yeah, and that's not a good thing. The last time Seto got sugar high he was so nice to all the maids and servants that they all quit, then he went and dyed his hair green (1) with permanent dye and went and sang at a bunch of karaoke bars wearing a neon blue shirt with sequins on it and a pair of leather pants! And then he woke up with no memory of it the next day!"

The others have a laugh over this while Mokuba looks worriedly back at his brother, who has gone from singing, "the song that gets on everybody's nerves", to singing, "how much is that doggy in the window" while petting Joey's head.

"Bakura slow down!" Ryou suddenly hisses. "There's a police officer up ahead and you don't need to get pulled over! You don't have a license!"

"The fuzz! Where!" Mariku pops out of his seat holding a large water gun and a couple of water balloons shaped like grenades.

"Sit down you fool!" Malik hisses, jerking his yami back down onto the seat. "Do you not remember what happened the last time you did that? Isis got so pissed that she kicked us out of the house for a month, and when she let us back in she refused to feed us for three months!"

Mariku looks confused. "Hikari-mine, I don't remember that."

Bakura snickers. "That's because you were the one who got hit by the two-by-four that Isis threw."

Mariku thinks for a minute and then gives up and goes back to looking for the police officer. Meanwhile, Ryou gets Bakura to slow down so they don't get pulled and Seto's suddenly freaks out.

"I swear if we get arrested because somebody thinks we're sneaking into the country, you're all going to die!" Seto suddenly yells, glaring at everyone.

The others are silent for a moment.

"Seto, Japan is an island." Mokuba speaks up.

This time it's Seto who is silent as he thinks about this. "Well, damn." He mutters. "Alright then. Sure." Then he goes right back to his singing and petting Joey's head.

Another half hour passes and Nixx somehow catches sight of a Wal-Mart sign in the distance.

"PULL OVER!"

Bakura slams on the brakes, startled by Nixx's sudden yell. "What the hell are you on, Lexus!" He screams back, once they've pulled off the road and into a ditch.

"But it's Wal-Mart!" Nixx exclaims. "Mokie-love promised to let me go to Wal-Mart if we came across one! He promised to buy me all the pink things I want!"

"I love Wal-Mart!" Seto suddenly announces, making everyone jump. He's been relatively quiet for the past half hour. "I want to go to Wal-Mart too!"

Bakura turns around to stare at the CEO, cursing Mariku for putting sugar in the coffee. It reminds him of the time when the blonde yami put a bunch of packets in Ryou and Malik's tea and then made them sugar cookies. Miraculously, he managed not to burn the house down, although the stove did get sent to the Shadow Realm.

"Fine we'll go to the fucking Wal-Mart." Bakura growls, turning back around. "Wheeler! Keep your idiot under control! Nixx, sit the fuck down!"

"He's not my idiot!" Joey shouts back. "In fact, he's not _my **anything**_!"

Bakura rolls his eyes and slams on the gas to get back on the road. "Sure. You say that now, but what will you be saying later I wonder."

And so they head to Wal-Mart, where they can wreak even more havoc than usual. And it's not just any Wal-Mart; it's a Super Wal-Mart.

Along the way, Bakura entertains himself by scaring the pedestrians, flipping off people, and cackling maniacally as he plows through a stop sign.

Once Bakura parks, somehow managing to take up four parking spaces, everyone jumps out and practically runs into Wal-Mart. Well, Joey is dragged by Seto and Malik is dragged by Mariku and Yugi is dragged by Yami and Ryou is dragged by Bakura, but everyone else runs in to escape the seagulls flying overhead. The reason for the abnormal fear of the birds? Well, somehow they got into discussing 'The Birds' and so the yami's now have a fear of all birds. And Seto's just excited and high on sugar, so that's his excuse.

Once inside, Bakura and Ryou head off to the crafts section because Ryou wants to look for some clay and Bakura just wants to cause havoc and chaos; Mariku drags Malik to the sports section because he wants to unleash an army of balls upon the store; Joey and Seto go to the food section; Serenity, Duke, Yami, and Yugi go to the electronic department; and Nixx and Mokuba go to the toy section to start their hunt for pink things.

"Hey Nixx, look what I found!" Mokuba yells to his boyfriend, holding up a pink kitten. "Isn't it cute?"

Nixx squeals and zooms over to Mokuba, taking the plushie and hugging it tightly. "Oh Mokie! I love it! It's so cute! It's just adorable! I shall name it…" He pauses dramatically. "Pinky!"

Mokuba sweat drops.

And then, a little girl walks down the isle and sees Nixx holding the kitty. Deciding that she wants it and figuring that no boy wants a pink stuffed animal, she walks over and tugs on Nixx's pants.

"'scuse me mister, can I see the kitty please?" She asks cutely.

Mokuba gives Nixx a warning look that clearly says, "Behave or else.".

Nixx pouts and then hands the kitty to the little girl, who smiles and takes it and starts walking off. He panics. "Hey! Where are you going with that! You just said you wanted to see it!"

The little girl stops and hugs the kitty tightly. "I'm going to get her. Mommy promised to let me pick out what toy I wanted, and I want this kitty."

Nixx growls, storms over, and snatches the kitty from the little girl. "Well that's too bad, 'cause he's MINE! My Mokie picked him out special for me, and that makes him mine! So go find some other toy!"

The little girl starts crying, and Nixx runs off and grabs Mokuba so that they get away before the little girl's mother arrives. Nixx has had enough experience in the past with the mothers of little girls who he's taken pink toys from because he had them first. You'd think he'd have learned by now _not _to let the girls see the toy.

"I can't believe you did that!" Mokuba exclaims. "That was mean, Nixx! You made the little girl cry! You should have just let her have the kitty!"

Nixx tugs Mokuba back to a wall where nobody else is at and pins the smaller boy against it. "But you picked it out thinking of me and that makes it special." He says. "And now… I want to thank you."

"In Wal-Mart!" Mokuba hisses. "Can't it wait until- Mmph!"

In true Nixx fashion, Nixx has chosen his favorite method of making his boyfriend be quiet and has kissed him. Mokuba gives in to his boyfriend, kissing him back and wrapping his arms around his neck.

But all good things must come to an end eventually and this time it's because of Seto and Joey.

"Kaiba! I am not going to wear the damn collar!" Joey yells, running from the blue-eyed CEO. He runs past Nixx and Mokuba, paying them no mind.

Seto chases after Joey, running past Nixx and Mokuba as well, holding a blue collar in his hands. Instead of continuing on and ignoring them, he stops to see what they're doing. And it's then that his sugar-induced high wears off. "LEXUS! GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY BROTHER! HOW DARE YOU DO THAT IN A PUBLIC PLACE!"

0-0-0-0-0

_So after the Wal-Mart fiasco we somehow manage to get back into the van without anyone killing anyone. And Seto's driving now, so things aren't as tense as before. Maybe now we'll actually make it to the mall._

_Since Seto's driving, the seating arrangements have changed once again. Now Joey's back up front with Seto and Nixx, Serenity, and Duke are behind them; Malik, Yugi, Mokuba, and I are in the very back seats; and Yami, Mariku, and Bakura are back with the luggage._

_I think I see the mall. If it's the really tall building with all the windows. Nixx seems to be excited about seeing it, so I'm assuming that that's the mall. And since it's late and the mall closes soon, we're going to have to head to a hotel already and go there tomorrow. I'm not sure whether I'm looking forward to going to the mall or not. We've already destroyed three other stores- the gas station, the Burger King, and the Wal-Mart and malls generally have more things._

_I hope we all survive the night… Bakura doesn't look too happy about being forced to sit with the luggage again._

_R. Bakura_

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

**Where In The World Is Tristan Taylor? **(a few paragraphs for Tristan. Just because.)

Tristan yawns and looks around, expecting to see Duke laying in the bed opposite of him. To his surprise, he's not in a hotel room at all, but laying on a tree branch. He screams and falls from the branch, landing heavily on the ground.

After a minute or so of laying there he sits up and looks around, hoping that it's all just a horrible dream and he's really not lost out in the middle of a forest. And by the looks of the position of the sun it's around noon which means the others are gone; they forgot about him.

"Damn them." Tristan mutters. "I bet Devlin is behind this! Although he's not this clever. He probably would have locked me in a closet or something stupid." He rolls his eyes. "Oh well, at least now I won't die by falling out a window. I just know Devlin pushed me. Or maybe it was Lexus. He was the one who made me roll down my window. And then he started kissing Mokuba when he knew Kaiba would freak out and either slam on the breaks or swerve!" He pauses in the middle of his ranting, a thought crossing his mind. "Man, I'm glad I'm not in that car anymore."

_**-O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?--O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?-**_

(1) 'tis the return of the green hair dye! I couldn't resist. I really couldn't.

0-0-0-0

Character thoughts:

Seto: _Must resist the urge to kill Lexus... must resist the urge to kill Lexus... must resist the urge to kiss Wheeler- WHAT THE HELL!_

Mokuba_: I wonder if Seto actually bought that collar for Joey..._

Joey:_ I can't believe he tried to make me wear a collar in Wal-Mart. I never want to see Kaiba hyper again. Never._

Yugi: _Yami doesn't look so good._

Yami: _(swears Bakura gave him a concussion when he slammed a suitcase onto his head)_

Nixx: _And tonight I shall sleep with Mokuba! (pauses) Now that thought I like..._

Duke: _I hope I get a room to myself this time. Or maybe one with sweet Serenity. No, Joey would kill me. I don't want to die yet._

Serenity: _I hope Tristan is okay..._

Bakura:_ (plotting the death of the squirrels)_

Ryou: _Killer... squirrels?_

Malik: _Damn... now I wish I had gotten those fireworks at Wal-Mart before the others went and got us kicked out for making out in the isles._

Mariku: (humming a random song)

0-0-0-0

Shiro: Hello everyone! Sorry for the month-long wait! I really am sorry. School restarted and I had a small case of writers block. And I really haven't had all that much time on the computer.

Bast: And you got distracted by the Kingdom Hearts fanfictions. (smirks) Or was that not a good excuse.

Shiro: T.T Shut up.

Bast: Wrap it up here so you can finish that Chaos story and then you can work on this one more. That way the only story you'll have to work on is Family Bonds and whatever Kingdom Hearts fic you've started. Not to mention your vampire story.

Shiro: (ignoring Bast) I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! And again, I'm sorry for taking so long to get it out. I'll try to get the next one out in less than a month. Preferably in less than half a month. (sighs) We'll see how it goes...


	5. Day 4: Games and the Mall

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Yugioh. I don't even own Nixxus Gene Lexus, Roman Jacob Lexus Jr., or Alexandrian James Lexus, as they belong to my dear friend Seto-chan.

**Warnings**: Shonen ai, that means boyxboy, folks. Some cursing. And OOC-ness, which is abundant because it's what makes this story so funny. I try to make them in-character as much as I can, but I usually wind up failing. Ah well, the OOC-ness is supposed to be there, everyone. Don't like it, don't read. If you like it or find it amusing or both, read on and enjoy the insanity!

_**-O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?--O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?-**_

Day 4: Games and the Mall

"Gooood morning everyone!" Nixx cheerfully shouts, bounding into room number 134 which is Malik, Mariku, Ryou, and Bakura's room. "It's time to get up! Seto wants us all in room 136 in ten minutes dressed and ready to go!"

Bakura growls something and yanks the blankets up over his and Ryou's heads. Mariku merely rolls over and falls off the edge of the bed, taking the covers with him, while Malik chews on a corner of one of the pillows.

Nixx sweat drops. "So much for that…" He smirks evilly when a thought enters his mind. "Now I can do this the _fun _way." 'I'll need… cream puffs, a bucket or a hose, maybe some jello- the green kind, glitter, glue, feathers…' Still plotting, Nixx leaves the room to go collect the supplies he needs.

"Nixx, are you plotting something again?" Mokuba asks disapprovingly, making Nixx stop in his tracks. "The last time you messed with Bakura and Mariku you nearly wound up with a concussion and a broken arm. Not to mention Bakura threatened to chop off your hair with a chainsaw."

Nixx reaches up and clutches his hair, letting out a whimper at the memory of Bakura and Mariku's revenge. "Not my hair. Not my poor pretty hair."

Mokuba pats Nixx on the shoulder and then tugs his boyfriend down for a kiss.

"Mmm… what was that for?" Nixx dreamily asks when they separate.

Mokuba smiles. "You just look extra cute this morning. Now leave the waking of those four to me. It has to be handled _very delicately_."

0-0-0-0

No less than ten minutes later horrified screams can be heard from Bakura, Ryou, Mariku, and Malik's room. Mokuba calmly walks out of the room and shuts the door behind him while Nixx stares in shock.

"What did you do to them?" He asks. "They sound like they're dying!"

Mokuba grins. "Remember the squirrels from yesterday?" At Nixx's nod he continues. "Well, I sort of kept one of the squirrels, mainly for blackmail purposes, and I got some acorns too. So I hid some of the acorns in their room, mainly in the beds and in Mariku's hair, and then I set loose the squirrel."

Nixx overcomes his shock and starts laughing. In fact, he laughs so hard that his eyes start tearing up.

Then the door to room 134 slams open and an extremely pissed Bakura steps out holding a dagger and the squirrel, which is either dead or unconscious. Either way, it's no longer moving. Mariku is right behind Bakura, equally pissed and holding a bunch of acorns. Right behind him are Ryou and Malik, who seem torn between amusement toward their yami's actions and anger at being woken up so rudely.

Bakura glares at Nixx and Mokuba. "I have one fucking thing to say to you two; run."

Nixx and Mokuba don't need to be told twice. They're down the hall and headed down the stairs in a matter of seconds. Nixx can be heard shouting, "_That _was handling it **_delicately_**?!" to which Mokuba replies with, "Lets talk about this later!"

Bakura and Mariku wait until the end of Mokuba's reply before they give chase, tearing through the hotel like a pack of hungry wolves after a group of weak rabbits.

"Should we go tell Kaiba that Bakura and Mariku are plotting his little brother's death?" Malik asks.

Ryou nods. "Yeah. Good plan."

0-0-0-0

45 minutes, many explanations, several hundred dollars worth of damage, and a tied up and gagged Mariku and Bakura later the Road Trip gang is gathered in Seto, Joey, Mokuba, and Nixx's room to be lectured by Seto.

Needless to say, none of them are paying much attention.

"Lets play a game before we go!" Yugi exclaims randomly.

"Yeah, since Seto's gotten us all bored beyond belief and sleepy." Malik agrees. "How about we play Truth or Dare?"

Mariku says something that's muffled by the gag in his mouth.

"I know it gets old, but it's a classic." Malik argues with Mariku's comment. "And you and Bakura love playing it."

Mariku mutters something else and then falls silent.

"Great! Lets play!" Mokuba exclaims.

And so they sit down and begin playing Truth or Dare. They even untie and un-gag Bakura and Mariku for the game. And as with anything they do, things begin going out of hand.

Mariku scans the room for his next victim, a thoughtful look on his face. Then he spots Joey, who's glaring at Seto, and smirks. "Wheeler, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare." Joey says, not really paying attention to who is asking.

Mariku's smirk grows wider. "I dare you to… strip until you're only wearing that collar that Kaiba bought you. And leave on your boxers. I'd like to preserve my innocence."

Malik snorts. "Innocence my ass."

Mariku smirks. "I love your ass."

"That's just wrong." Nixx comments. "Now get on with the dare, Wheeler! Strip!" He thinks about what he just said and makes a face. "On second thought, leave your clothes on. I have no desire to see you naked."

Joey growls at the youngest Lexus. "Shut up."

"Just shut up and strip, Wheeler." Bakura says. "Then we can get on with this game and go wreak havoc- I mean, go to the mall."

Joey strips down to his boxers but not without grumbling curses under his breath, most of which are directed to Nixx and Mariku.

Seto smirks and throws something at Joey. "You forgot something, puppy."

Joey easily catches the object and takes one look at it before he glares at Seto. "What the hell is this?!" He yells angrily.

Seto's smirk grows wider. "It's a collar, Wheeler. Surely you know what that is."

Joey's face reddens in anger. "I know what it is! I mean, what's with the tag and- what does it say, anyway? Property of-" His face turns a darker shade of red. "KAIBA YOU BASTARD!"

"Just put on the damn collar and shut up, Wheeler." Bakura growls. "Then we can get the hell out of here and to the stupid mall!"

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Duke comments. "Or maybe you got none last night."

"AS IF YOU CAN TALK!"

"ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!" Ryou yells, standing up.

Everyone shuts up and looks in shock at the normally quiet and sweet white-haired boy.

"Joey, do the stupid dare." Ryou orders. "After that we're all going to go to the mall where we'll actually have a break from one another. Being shoved together for three days in a small car has done nothing but make us argue even more with one another."

Joey quickly puts on the collar.

Ryou smiles. "Great! Now get dressed, Joey. And everyone else get ready for the mall."

Five minutes later the entire group has gathered at the van and are figuring out seating arrangements for the half-hour drive to the mall. Eventually it's decided that Ryou will drive to the mall and then back to the hotel, so Bakura is up front with him. Behind them will be Yugi, Yami, Joey, and Mokuba and behind them will be Serenity, Duke, Nixx, and Seto and in the very back with the luggage are Malik and Mariku.

And so they're off.

The ride starts off peacefully, but since they've all once again been crammed into a far-too-small-car-for-eleven-people things are bound to go wrong.

Ten minutes into the ride, a "conversation" starts.

"This had better be some mall if we're driving all the way out here." Seto mutters.

Yugi nods excitedly. "Yeah! Like the 9th wonder of the world!" He exclaims.

"What the hell are you talking about? _We're_ the damn 9th wonder of the world crammed in this damn car!" Bakura exclaims, waving his arms wildly and nearly hitting Ryou in the head.

"Don't curse in front of Serenity/my sister!" Duke and Joey yell in unison. Then Joey hits Bakura in the head, which prompts an all-out smack war to start.

Bakura smacks Joey, Nixx smacks Seto, Duke smacks Mokuba, Seto smacks Duke, Serenity smacks Seto, Joey smacks Seto, Yugi tries to hide under the seat, Yami and Bakura sit there and repeatedly smack one another, Mokuba and Nixx start a mock-smack fight, and Malik and Mariku take turns smacking whoever they can reach.

Meanwhile Ryou doesn't take his eyes off the road and keeps driving, muttering under his breath about the others being a bunch of demon psycho's and how they're all going to need psychology after all of this.

As if the car trip isn't bad enough, once they get to the mall- well, the place where the mall is suppose to be- they find police tape everywhere.

"What the hell happened here?" Bakura growls.

"Ohh….. Oops." Mariku and Malik mutter.

Everyone turns to look at the two blonde's.

"What do you mean by 'oops'?" Seto asks darkly.

Malik looks up at the sky while Mariku occupies himself with following a random trail of ants. "Well, you see… we sort of were here earlier this week and umm… wekindofdestroyedthemallbecauseMarikuwantedadaggerandcouldn'tfindanyandthenhewantedicecreambuttheguywouldn'tgivehimanyandthenIsisgotmadatusandwentoffonarampageandMarikuandIfoughtbackandthat'showweaccidentallydestroyedthemallpleasedon'tkillus!"

Everyone, including Ryou and Yugi, glare at Mariku and Malik.

Seto clenches a fist. "You mean to tell me that we drove all the way out here to go to a mall that you two destroyed. A mall that took us _three fucking days _to get to when we could have gone to the fucking mall that's actually in Domino City. And you didn't even _try _to tell us."

"Er… yes?"

"I. Will. Kill. You." Seto growls. "Wring your necks, disembowel you and hang you from a fucking light post by your entrails!"

"Big brother, you promised not to disembowel anyone else after the last time." Mokuba says. "Remember?"

"No."

Mokuba sighs. "Seto. You can't break a promise."

Seto looks from Mokuba to Malik and Mariku, as if trying to decide if the two Egyptians are worth breaking a promise he made to his little brother. In the end he sighs and decides the promise is more important. He can always hire someone to kill them later.

"So now what?" Duke asks. "With the mall destroyed what are we going to do? I mean, we could get in the car and go home, but after coming all the way out here it seems stupid to not do anything."

"Lets go ice skating!" Serenity exclaims suddenly.

Everyone stares at Joey's younger sister.

"That has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard." Bakura scoffs. "It's in the middle of July, you idiot."

"Don't call her and idiot!" Duke yells. "I happen to like her idea."

Serenity blushes. "Thanks… and it's advertised on this flier I found. It's an indoor skating rink."

"Sounds like fun." Ryou says.

"Not to mention non-destructive." Yugi says. "I mean, come on. What could possibly happen in a skating rink?"

0-0-0-0

And that's another thing you should never say. It's just like saying "what's the worst that could happen?". And come on, this is the Yugioh gang we're talking about here. A group of teens who have been shoved in the same van for the past four days to go out to some mall. And then that mall happens to be destroyed when they get there. Not to mention the fact that half of the people in the van don't even get along.

Non-destructive my ass.

_**-O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?--O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?-**_

Character thoughts:

Seto: _First thing to do when I get back: Get someone to kill those two pyscho's. Or get a restraining order. Restraining order will cause less problems. I need no more problems from them._

Mokuba_: laughs Joey's still wearing the collar!_

Joey:_ tugging on the collar The damn thing won't come off! Did someone superglue it on or what?_

Yugi: _Okay, maybe ice skating is more destructive than I thought._

Yami: _(currently cussing out Bakura and Mariku because they slammed him into a wall)_

Nixx: _(skating arm-in-arm with Mokuba humming happily)_

Duke: _(admiring Serenity's graceful skating) She's so pretty..._

Serenity: _(busy dodging the yami's while skating) I wonder why Duke keeps staring at me._

Bakura:_ Looks like Wheeler's sister actually had a good idea. I can ram the idiot pharaoh into the wall and get away with it! Bwahahahaha! Oh shit did I leave my mind link open?_

Ryou: _See if you get any for the rest of the week, Bakura._

Malik: _Well... he's sort of staying out of trouble now. Now I just have to avoid Kaiba so he doesn't snap and kill me._

Mariku:_ (too distracted by shiny things in the room to care about annoying Yami anymore) Ooo... fun. And the skates. They're so shiny. Shiny, shiny shiny! Yay! And the floor! 'tis shiny! And the lights! AHHHH! THEY BURN! MAKE THE BURNING STOP!_

0-0-0-0-0-0

Shiro: I am exhausted right now. I got up early just to curl my hair and possibly make cookies for Thanksgiving and wound up just curling my hair and working on finishing up my scarf. T.T So much for my plan. On the other hand, I did almost finish that scarf.

Bast: And it has to be the longest scarf you have made. Over 100 rows and 18 stitches wide. You have to be crazy.

Shiro: Hey, blankets and other things are longer and wider! And that's probably something I won't ever make. I don't have the time or the patience.

Keitaro: Hey Shii-chan, where's Tristan's part in this chapter?

Shiro: Hmm? Oh, right now I'm just trying to get this thing finished. I'm going to take a break in writing Family Bonds when I finish writing chapter 22 on paper so that I can finish up this. As for Tristan... he's back in Domino relaxing comfortably at home without a bunch of psycho's to drive him insane. Although Tea's there so it may be worse. ((That was a joke))

Bast: Happy Thanksgiving everyone!


	6. Day 5: The Raisins Return

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Yugioh. I don't even own Nixxus Gene Lexus, Roman Jacob Lexus Jr., or Alexandrian James Lexus, as they belong to my dear friend Seto-chan.

**Warnings**: Shonen ai, that means boyxboy, folks. Some cursing. And OOC-ness, which is abundant because it's what makes this story so funny. I try to make them in-character as much as I can, but I usually wind up failing. Ah well, the OOC-ness is supposed to be there, everyone. Don't like it, don't read. If you like it or find it amusing or both, read on and enjoy the insanity!

_**-O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?--O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?-**_

Day 5: The Raisins Return

_Log of the Road Trip_

_Day 5_

_Food: eaten_

_Sanity: nonexistent_

_Yami_

_So here we are, once again crammed into the car from Hell and on our way back to Domino City. The more sane of the Ishtars is driving, since they're the only two not completely pissed off about the whole mall explosion thing. The thief's pissed off because the two caused mayhem without him and Ryou's been glaring at him the entire morning. And Yugi's glaring at me now for cursing in writing._

_And now the pink-loving lover of Mokuba's wants to play a game._

0-0-0

Bakura smirks at the idea of playing a game, deciding it's the perfect way to get his revenge. "Lets play… spin the bottle." He says, pulling an empty vodka bottle out from under the seat. Ra knows how he got it. Probably stole it.

"Wait, tell me you're not suggesting that we play spin the bottle in a car." Duke says.

Bakura looks at him with a raises eyebrow and says, "Yeah." in a tone that makes it sound like it's obvious.

"Well, you can't say it wouldn't be a good way to pass time." Yugi says, trying to keep everything peaceful for the moment. Because peace is good. Very good. Especially when you have twelve people stuck in a van together for hours at a time.

"Yugi, we're in a _vehicle_." Duke says, exaggerating the word 'vehicle'. "A moving one that has twelve people crammed into it and no perfectly flat areas. It's difficult to play spin the bottle on moving surfaces. Don't ask how I know." He adds when Joey and Seto give him weird looks. Of course when the two notice they're doing the same thing they glare at one another and turn away from one another.

Everyone else ignores them. Except for Nixx, who just has to try and provoke them.

"De-ni-al!" He sings off-key. "They're in de-ni-al!"

"Shut up, Lexus." Seto growls, narrowing his eyes at his little brother's boyfriend.

"And if I don't?" Nixx asks, sticking out his tongue.

"If you don't then I'll be forced to hit you in the head with that vodka bottle the thief has and then use the shards to carve out your heart and shove it up your ass!"

There is silence in the car.

"Damn, and I thought I was bad." Mariku comments from up front. "I don't think I've ever threatened to do something like that."

"No," Malik agrees. "you've only threatened to use your daggers to cut open people and pull out their entrails before you manage to find their spleen so you can feed it to 'Mr. Blender'."

There is once again silence in the car.

"Damn, and you think I'm bad!" Bakura tells Ryou.

Ryou sighs. "Oh no, not at all. I can recall that one time when you threatened to--"

"OKAY!" Yugi interrupts loudly, bothered by all the death threats. "So how are we going to play this game of spin the bottle?"

"Can we play 'throw the bottle and see who it hits in the head' instead?" Mariku asks innocently from up front.

"No!"

"Oh, okay." Mariku sighs and goes back to his coloring book.

Bakura smirks. "Alright, here's how it's going to go. I'm going to use a spell to make this bottle spin in mid-air--"

Seto snorts. "Yeah right."

"Yeah, that was total bullshit." Bakura agrees with a smirk, earning himself a smack on the arm from Ryou. "So here's how it's _really _going to go: we're going to use one of those trays we stole from the hotel and spin the bottle on that. And since we're playing the game by my rules--"

"Says who?" Yami interrupts crossly. "Your rules are horrible."

Bakura glares. "Shut up or die."

Yami rolls his eyes, deciding to humor Bakura instead of arguing with him over something so stupid.

"Since we're playing the game by _my _rules, I get to spin the bottle first." Bakura finishes.

"Wait a minute," Duke says. "What _are _your rules?"

Bakura smirks devilishly, showing off his fangs. Ryou groans.

"Anything I say goes. Got that?" He asks.

Everyone nods and Bakura sits back in his seat, looking satisfied. And then the game begins.

0-0-0

Hours later, when Bakura finally agrees to stop playing spin the bottle, they stop for lunch at Burger World. And since something bad happens every single time they stop to get something, it's only right that something bad happens once again. Right?

For once, everything goes smoothly as they get their food and sit down. (at separate tables, of course.) Yugi, Yami, Joey, Serenity, and Duke take one table; Bakura, Ryou, Malik, and Mariku take another table; and Seto gets stuck with Nixx and Mokuba at another table. They manage to eat most of their food in peace until Bakura and Mariku start fighting over who gets to eat the last French fry and Nixx takes his flirting with Mokuba to a whole new level.

This can only end in disaster.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"LEXUS, GET OFF OF MY BROTHER!"

"BITE ME, BAKURA!"

Bakura lunges across the table, reaching for the French fry that is in Mariku's grasp. His weight on the table makes it fall over sideways, taking Bakura and Mariku with it. Ryou and Malik have long since backed away from the table, staying out of the fight.

Over at the table with the two Kaiba's and Nixx, Seto's yelling has attracted more attention than Nixx and Mokuba making out ever possibly could.

It gets to the point that the fighting and flirting escalates to the point the manager has to come out and ask them to leave. When they don't he calls the police and manages to get them banned from all the Burger Worlds in Japan. By the time they're ushered out the door, poor Yugi is in tears at the thought of not being able to go to Burger World anymore.

And so the road trip from Hell continues.

0-0-0

It's been over an hour since they were kicked out of Burger World and Malik is still driving and Mariku is beside him giving him directions. In the middle seats are Seto, Joey, Duke, and Serenity. In the back seats are Bakura, Ryou, Mokuba, and Yami. In the very back are Nixx and Yugi, who seem to be getting along well.

"Seto. Seto. Seeeeto. Seeeetooooooooo!"

"WHAT!?" Seto finally screeches, whipping his head around to glare at Joey, who is sitting right beside him.

Joey just smiles and holds up a box of raisins. "Want some?"

Seto growls and twitches before he grabs the box and chucks it out the window. "NO! I do not want any of your damn raisins!"

"Jeez, Kaiba. You don't have to be so rude about it." Joey grumbles, taking out another box of raisins. "Jerk."

"Shut up, mutt."

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" Malik roars in frustration, making everyone in the car jump and stare at the blonde in shock. "Mariku, which way do we go? And I want a straight answer this time!"

Mariku studies the map intently before he turns it sideways and then back to the position he had it in. "Umm…"

"Mariku, the map is upside down." Duke points out.

Mariku's eyes widen in realization. "Oh! That explains why I couldn't figure it out. Never mind that I can't read a map anyway…" He says under his breath before he turns the map so that it's not upside down.

"So where exactly are we?" Serenity asks, looking out the car window at the scenery passing by. "I don't recognize any of this."

"It's… uh… a short cut!" Mariku lies. "Yeah, that's it. A short cut."

"So in other words, we're hopelessly and utterly lost." Duke fills in.

"Yeah, that's about it." Mariku replies. Then he tosses the map out the window, to everyone else's horror. "Guess we'll just have to wing it now."

Malik's grip on the steering wheel tightens and everyone else watches out the windows as the map blows away and lands on the windshield of the car behind them, making the car screech to a halt and cause a pile-up.

Seto groans and has to resist banging his head against the window for the umpteenth time. Joey appears to be fascinated by his boxes of raisins. Duke is trying to sneakily wrap his arm around Serenity's shoulders. Serenity is pretending not to notice Duke's advances, finding it rather cute. Bakura is shuffling a deck of cards, a decidedly evil expression on his face. Ryou is reading his book, trying his best not to pay attention to Bakura. Mokuba is giggling at something Nixx is whispering to him. And Yami has turned around and is talking to Yugi.

"Could this day get any worse." Seto mutters under his breath.

Obviously someone _still _hasn't learned the rules for when things are going horribly wrong. So now that he has said that, things just have to go even more horribly wrong.

"Who wants to play strip poker?" Bakura asks loudly.

Seto groans and lets his head fall against the window with an audible 'thump'.

"Raisins?" Joey offers, actually feeling bad for Seto. After being stuck in a cramped space for a long amount of time, one learns to tolerate people.

Seto gives in an accepts the box of raisins and together he and Joey eat raisins for the next half hour while the others play Bakura's twisted version of strip poker.

0-0-0

Several hours of boredom and cheesy jokes later they pull up at a random hotel and go in to get rooms for the night. Like always, the hotel is short on rooms and they end up having to bunk with one another whether they want to or not. Fortunately, it's less crowded for the first time since the trip started and they only have to double up. Yugi and Yami have room 379; Bakura and Ryou have room 349; Nixx and Mokuba have room 369; Seto and Joey have room 389; Duke and Serenity have room 329; and Mariku and Malik have room 359.

With the occupants of the rooms actually getting along for once, no arguments break out that night. Although Seto and Joey, after having a few drinks together, have a little dare going. And it should prove interesting the next day.

_**-O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?--O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?-**_

Bast: Take a break to finish this story my ass.

Shiro: What can I say? I got a little distracted.

Bast: I ought to ban you from playing Kingdom Hearts 2 or writing any more fanfictions relating to KH until you finish up this story.

Shiro: Won't work. Sorry. (to readers) Hello everyone! Who out there wants to hunt me down and yell at me for taking such a long time on this chapter? (watches as numerous people raise their hands) Great... I'm not so sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. Anyway, the next chapter will be the last, since there's only so much I can write about 12 people being stuck in a van together. I will write this: there's a possibility of a sequel if I can think of some good material for it. Except it won't be a road trip story and it'll probably be shorter than this one. And hey, maybe I'll manage to get Seto and Joey together in that one.

Keitaro: (pops in out of nowhere) So who wants a sequel to this screwed up thing? And who wants Nixx to be in it? Shiro wants to know what you all think of Nixx since she knows some people get annoyed by OC's. Personally, I'm wondering exactly how many cracks we can make about airplanes. (shrugs) Guess we'll find out.

Shiro: (sarcastically) Thanks Keitaro, for giving away the so-called "plot" of the sequel-that-is-yet-to-be.

Damian: (to the remaining readers) I'll personally see to it that Shiro gets to working on the next chapter and won't take over two months to write it. Bye now!


	7. Day 6: It All Comes Down To This

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Yugioh. I don't even own Nixxus Gene Lexus, Roman Jacob Lexus Jr., or Alexandrian James Lexus, as they belong to my dear friend Seto-chan. I also don't own Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Steak n' Shake, or either of the two country songs mentioned in this chapter.

**Warnings**: Shonen ai, that means boyxboy, folks. Some cursing. And OOC-ness, which is abundant because it's what makes this story so funny. I try to make them in-character as much as I can, but I usually wind up failing. Ah well, the OOC-ness is supposed to be there, everyone. Don't like it, don't read. If you like it or find it amusing or both, read on and enjoy the insanity!

_**-O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?--O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?-**_

Day 6: It All Comes Down To This

_Log of the Road Trip_

_Day 6_

_Food: I ate it all_

_Sanity: did we ever have it? (What is sanity, anyway?)_

_J. Wheeler_

_I swear that next time we need to have a tape recorder instead of a journal. Then we can capture all of our odd conversations on tape. Not to mention how much blackmail that can come from that. Hey, maybe a video camera would work better! Then I could send it to 'Funniest Home Videos' and get money for it! Of course, that could also lead to us all going to prison, so that might not be a good idea._

_Anyway, we haven't left last night's hotel yet because Duke and Serenity have been sent out to locate a map since Mariku threw the last one out the window. They're taking an awful long time finding a map. Duke had better not do anything to my sister!_

_The only reason I know those two went out to find a map is because Mokuba yelled it through the door to me and Seto. You see, apparently we had a little too much to drink last night and we came up with some unusual dares for one another. And when I say "unusual" I mean, unusual for even Bakura and Mariku and any of our other friends. Things are going to be interesting today._

0-0-0

"Morons, get the hell out of the room!" Nixx yells, banging on the door to Joey and Seto's room. "Serenity and Devlin are back with the stupid map so we can leave now!" He bangs on the door a few more times and then spots Mokuba coming around the corner and takes off running to his boyfriend. "Mokie!" He exclaims as he jumps onto Mokuba's back.

Mokuba just laughs and keeps on walking, finding Nixx light enough to carry on his back. "Are Seto and Joey coming?"

Nixx wraps his arms loosely around Mokuba's neck. "Oh, can't we just leave those two and everyone else here and go fly to America and get married in Vegas? Pretty please?" He bats his eyelashes teasingly, which makes Mokuba laugh again.

"I don't think they'd like that very much, Nixx." Mokuba says. "Besides, I want a big wedding with all of our friends there!"

Nixx squeals and showers Mokuba with hugs and kisses.

0-0-0

A loud scream pierces the silence of the hotel and then Yugi comes skidding around the corner, a dark blush spread across his cheeks. He rushes immediately to Yami and cowers in fear in his boyfriend's arms.

"What the hell?" Bakura voices the overall question of the group.

"N-Nixx! And Mokuba! Oh, my eyes…. My eyes…" Yugi moans, burying his head into the soft material of Yami's shirt. "Make the images go away."

Yami smirks and whispers something in Yugi's ear.

"WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!" Bakura roars. "I want to get the hell out of here and get home so I can freely ravish my Ryou without any of you moronic fools disturbing us!"

The hotel is once again silent.

Ryou sighs and tries to pacify his yami. "Well, as soon as Joey and-- OH MY GOD! Joey, what are you wearing?!"

The others who are in the lobby waiting turn around to see a pretty blonde girl wearing a floor-length, blue Victorian gown. If Tristan were still with them he'd be drooling.

"Uh, Ryou. I don't see Joey anywhere." Duke says, started to get a little worried about Ryou's sanity. Being Bakura's boyfriend can't be helping him stay sane.

"He's right there!" Ryou points at the blonde girl who seems a little surprised about Ryou pointing at her.

Everyone else looks between Ryou and the blonde girl, wondering if Ryou is feeling all right. Another part of them wonders why the girl looks so familiar, but they just pass it off as her going to their school.

"Ryou, why are you pointing at me?"

Everyone's jaw drops when they hear the girl-- no, _Joey_, speak. And while everyone else is shocked into silence, Bakura is more… creative in expressing what he thinks. Creative as in creatively combining curse words and other words to form a sentence that makes no sense whatsoever.

However shocked they are with Joey dressed like a girl, it's nothing compared to how shocked they are when Seto comes down dressed as a girl as well. After all, they've all seen Joey in a dress before, just not with a wig. Anyway, Seto's not just dressed as a girl. Somehow, Joey managed to force him into a poofy Southern Belle dress with lots of lace and bows. Oh, and it's pink too. Thankfully, it's a cotton candy pink instead of horrible eye-popping bright neon pink. And the ribbons and bows are white.

Bakura and Mariku howl with laughter. Everyone else tries to stifle their laughter at first, only to fail and start laughing.

Seto glares at Joey and brandishes the pink umbrella he's brandishing, only to have it pop open and shower the floor with glitter.

Now Joey is laughing and Mariku and Bakura are rolling around on the ground clutching their sides. The others are still trying to stifle their laughter, but then one of them fails and they all start laughing again. And thus the Yugioh gang proves that laughter is contagious.

And then Nixx and Mokuba arrive, finished with their little kissing session in the hallway. Which was _all _they were doing. Yugi was just assuming things. Then again… Nixx's hand in Mokuba's front pocket could help anyone jump to conclusions…

Nixx takes one look at Seto and starts laughing. And… doesn't stop. Soon he has joined Bakura and Mariku in rolling around on the ground while laughing. Mokuba just looks at Seto in shock for a moment before he gives his big brother a look.

Ignoring the warning looks that Seto is sending him, Mokuba yells, "Seto! I thought you said you would never do this again!"

Everyone falls silent at that statement. Everyone except Nixx, Mariku, and Bakura, but they don't count because they laugh at everyone.

Soon after that interesting piece of information is yelled, they all find themselves once again crammed into the van. Determined to get back to Domino City within 12 hours, even if he has to drive all night, Seto is once again driving and Joey is in the passenger seat beside him. Everyone else is seated in a random order that is bound to cause trouble. At least, they are at first. They all had to jump into the car quickly before Seto drove off without him because they all got the CEO pissed off by laughing at him. Which is exactly why Yugi, Serenity, Mokuba, and Ryou are in the very back seat and Bakura, Yami, Mariku, Malik, Nixx, and Duke are in the middle seats.

Needless to say, they're more squished than usual, even with Mariku hanging halfway out the window lobbing water balloons at passing cars.

"You should really consider getting him a leash, Malik." Duke remarks to the saner blonde Egyptian.

"I had one once." Malik says. "And then Ishizu found out about it and threw it out. Well, more likely she got Odion to throw it out, but either way it went into the trash."

"Why? You'd think she'd be happy to have a leash for him." Nixx grumbles, wondering if it'd be worth going to jail to push Mariku out the window.

Malik looks away, a slight blush staining his cheeks. "Err… well, she kind of found us… uh, _using _it."

Everyone in the middle, except for Mariku and Bakura, looks blankly at Malik.

"What?" Yami asks.

Bakura snorts. "Isn't it obvious? The morons lost their handcuffs and decided to use the damn leash for bondage instead. Sheesh."

Sparing Malik from being ridiculed, Seto's icy voice breaks up their conversation.

"Exactly _what _do you think you are discussing in my car? _Right in front of my little brother!?!" _The tires squeal as Seto swerves around a car. The speedometer reads 85.

"Nothing!" Malik squeaks. "Nothing at all, I swear! I-it- uh… It's all Bakura's fault!"

The car squeals as Seto swerves around another car. "The next person who says anything even remotely sexual is getting thrown out of the car at the next pit stop, locked in a port-o-potty with a bunch of knives, and then I'll laugh as I pay someone to knock it over! And then you'll be left there, got it?!"

"Yes sir!" Everyone, except for Mariku who is still lobbing water balloons at cars, squeaks.

"Good." Seto smirks and glances over at Joey, who is once again eating raisins. "We're stopping at one. Then we can get to _my _dare."

Joey just shrugs and continues eating.

The speedometer reads 95.

Mariku curses angrily and gives some car the finger before lobbing a gelatin filled balloon at said car. Not that the balloon actually hit's the car. Instead it hits a police car.

Everyone glares at Mariku for invoking Seto's wrath when the policeman turns on the car's sirens and pulls off the side of the road to chase them.

Seto twitches and slows down before pulling off the side of the road. He's not stupid enough to think he can outrun a policeman. Mariku and Bakura might be, but not Seto.

As they pull to a stop, Malik jerks Mariku out of the window and orders him to sit still and not say anything until they start moving again and everyone else falls silent while inwardly cussing out Seto and Mariku.

Everything runs smoothly as Seto accepts the ticket and pays off the officer so he doesn't get arrested. And then the rookie policeman bounces up, very much like Nixx would, and openly stares at Seto and Joey.

"What?" Seto snaps at him. "Never seen a guy cross-dress before?"

The rookies backs off, half frightened that there are two guys wearing dresses and half frightened of Seto's patented Glare-of-Death.

The policeman sighs. "That'll be the third rookie this week…"

Bidding the policeman goodbye, Seto pulls back onto the road and they continue on before Mariku can say anything stupid. Of course, that's not to say Bakura doesn't say anything stupid, for as they pull away the white-haired thief rolls down his window and yells, "Tis the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!" and then proceeds to throw a water balloon at the road.

When Bakura settles back down in his seat he looks around to find everyone glaring at him. "What?"

"The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, huh?" Ryou questions. "I told you you'd like that movie."

"Ekke-ekke-ekke-ekke-ptang-zoo-boing! Goodem-zoo-owli-zhiv!" Mariku and Bakura say in unison.

Ryou groans and bangs his head against the back of Duke's seat, regretting ever letting the two watch the British comedy movie. "Alright you Knights Who Until Recently Said Ni, why don't you go cut down a tree with a herring or something."

Bakura and Mariku exchange looks and then break for the windows.

"I DIDN'T MEAN LITERALLY!" Ryou roars angrily. "Sit down you Neanderthals!"

The two sit down, although they look rather disappointed.

"It can be done." Bakura grumbles.

"Well when we stop in the middle of the woods and miraculously find a herring then you two can try and cut down a tree." Ryou says sarcastically.

"Really?" Mariku asks hopefully.

"No!" Ryou yells, waving his arms and accidentally smacking Yugi and Serenity in the face. "Because it's not possible to cut down a _tree _with a _fish_!"

"Oh."

The car is blissfully silent for a few minutes, the exception being the rustle of papers as Yugi goes back to reading the book Ryou lent him.

"So which do you think could carry a coconut, an African swallow or a European swallow?" Bakura asks Mariku conversationally.

"Well--"

"Drop it." Ryou says warningly. "There will be no more making jokes from the movie that only the three of us have seen, do you understand me?" He glares at them for extra measure.

Bakura and Mariku nod and then fall silent, no doubt plotting their next plot to drive them all insane. Well, the next plot to drive them even more insane than they already are.

For a while everything is peaceful. There's no arguments, no one randomly yelling obscene things out the windows, no odd games where Bakura makes up all of the rules, and Joey has an everlasting stack of raisin boxes. Surprisingly, the peace lasts until 1 o'clock, which is when they stop for lunch at Steak n' Shake.

While they're waiting for what seems like hours for their food, the saner half of the group looks over the map that Serenity and Duke got at the hotel, only to find out it's a map of Wisconsin and not Japan. The not-at-all-sane half of the group occupies themselves with the straws and little wads of paper.

Finally the food arrives, but that's only after ten waitresses come by to both try and placate Seto's temper at how long the food is taking or to ask Bakura and Mariku to stop shooting spitballs at people.

Amazingly, they manage to not get kicked out of the restaurant. They also manage to not blow it up, which is a great accomplishment for them.

After they eat they all go back out to the car and everyone except for Seto and Joey get in. The blonde and brunette simply get something from their suitcases and go back inside to change out of the dresses. The others simply aren't prepared for what they see when the two return.

Seto is dressed normally enough, except with more leather than usual. But Joey… poor Joey is dressed like a dog. His hair has been moved so it covers his ears and attached to his hair is a pair of golden-orange dog-ears. His nose has been painted black and short little white whiskers have been carefully glued to his nose. He's dressed in a golden-orange, furry bodysuit that comes complete with a tail in the same color. To complete his doggy look he has a leash attached to the collar around his neck. A leash that Seto is holding.

Poor Joey will never hear the end of it. He'll never see the end of it either, not with Nixx taking pictures of them.

Back into the car they go, this time with Joey driving and Seto in the passengers seat to give accurate directions. Somehow they located a map that had been stuffed under one of the seats and has bite marks on it from who-knows-what.

Off they go down the highway at a reasonable speed. For once they have a driver who knows how to go the speed limit. Of course, not everyone is happy about Joey's taste in music.

"Turn this crap off, Wheeler!" Bakura yells, covering his ears. "How can you stand to listen to this shit?!"

Joey glares at Bakura using the rear-view mirror. "For your information, I like country music. And this song is a classic."

"If by classic you mean 'old as hell', then yeah. The song is a classic." Duke says. "Turn it to something else! Like rock!"

"I'm driving and I say we're listening to country!" Joey yells. "If you've got a problem with it, I don't care! Just deal with it like I had to deal with all the rock music that's been playing!" Unlike Seto, Joey doesn't start speeding up when he's angry. He keeps going at the same speed.

"At least keep it turned down!" Duke protests.

Joey's only reply to that is to crank up the radio as a new song starts and start singing along. _"Ladies love country boys!"_

"WHEELER!!!!"

0-0-0

Three hours worth of country songs later they arrive back in Domino City. By that time Bakura and Mariku have scratches and bruises from fighting with one another and they're also unconscious thanks to Malik and Yami. Also, Nixx and Mokuba are asleep all cuddled up together, much to the annoyance of Seto. And the final thing is that they've all discovered Joey has a very nice singing voice. Even if almost all of them hate country music and that's all Joey's been singing for three hours straight.

As they're driving down the road to the Kaiba Mansion, something darts out in front of the car and Joey slams on the brakes. When the randomly appearing cloud of dust disappears they all can see that it's Tristan standing out in the middle of the road.

Joey rolls down his window and sticks his head out. "Tristan? How'd you get back here before us?" He notices a panicked look on his friend's face. "And what's wrong?"

"Get me out of here, please! She's insane!" Tristan yells. "You gotta help me!"

"Tristan, who's insane?" Joey asks, confused.

"Triiissstaaaaaan!"

Tristan pales even more and looks pleadingly at Joey. "Just let me in! I'll explain once we're out of here!"

Joey sighs. "Alright. Get in."

Relieved, Tristan quickly gets in the car and squeezes in beside Duke. Right as Tristan shuts the door, Joey pushes down the gas pedal and they take off again. If someone were to look behind them they would see some girl from school that's decided to stalk Tristan for the summer. But that's a different story.

"So who are you running from, Taylor?" Duke asks. He's not at all happy that he has to sit beside his brunette rival.

"There's this crazy girl from school who's been stalking me ever since I got back here!" Tristan exclaims, relieved at finally being able to relax. "She just won't leave me alone. And she knows where I live!"

"Big deal." Duke and Seto both deadpan.

"Try having whole _crowds _of girls stalking you, then we'll talk." Duke says. "One girl is _nothing_."

Tristan falls silent which means the entire van is silent except for the radio, which is still playing country music.

"_There's a long black train, comin' down the line--"_

"SHUT UP, WHEELER!"

Joey ignores Duke and continues singing.

"Joey? Why are you dressed like a dog?" Tristan asks.

"Turn here, Wheeler." Seto says suddenly, keeping Joey from answering Tristan's question for a minute.

As the Kaiba Mansion comes into view, which inevitably means the end of the trip, Joey begins the answer Tristan's question. "Well, it's a long story. It all started last night when me and Seto had a drink or two--"

"Since when is he 'Seto'?" Ryou asks, quite amused by the development.

Joey blushes a little. "Since last night." He mumbles. "Anyway, we had been drinking tequila…"

0-0-0

Later that night after everyone has been kicked out of the mansion, including Nixx even after all the pouting and whining he did, Mokuba creeps into Seto's room and finds his brother at his desk doing some work.

"Seto?"

Seto glances at Mokuba for a second and then goes back to his work. Mokuba takes that as his cue to continue.

"Thanks for taking us to the mall, even though it did get destroyed by Malik and Mariku and you had to put up with the others. Forgive me?" He asks pleadingly.

"Forgiven."

Mokuba smiles and claps his hands together. "Great! I guess now would be a good time to tell you I won plane tickets to a newly discovered island and want to invite Nixx and everyone else to go with us!"

"That's nice, Mokuba."

Mokuba bounds forward and hugs Seto. "I love you big brother!" And then he's gone from the room to spread the good news.

It takes a grand total of 30 seconds for Seto to realize what he's agreed to. "WHAT! MOKUBA SEIICHI KAIBA!!!!!"

_**-O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?--O-F-F--L-I-K-E--A--P-A-C-K--O-F--...--W-H-A-T-?-**_

Shiro: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! T'is finished! Complete! Finito! The end! N--

Bast: You now get to start on the sequel, you realize.

Shiro: T.T Yeah.

Bast: Alright, the sequel to this is called, **"Terror In The Sky"** so keep an eye out for it. I'm not sure when the first chapter will be posted, but it may be a while since hikari-chan likes getting a few chapters finished before she posts the first one. Usually it ensures she doesn't fall too behind on the story. But in cases like this story and Family Bonds, it simply doesn't work.

Shiro: (sticks out tongue) And whose fault is that?

Bast: Not mine. I'm not your muse.

Shiro: Oh, right. DAMIAN!!!! KEITARO!!! (runs off to find the guys)

Bast: (sighs) Shiro would like to thank everyone who has reviewed and/or put the story on his or her alert/favorite list. So here it is, "THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!"


End file.
